purpose.

so frustrated with my staffing. i feel like my job is worthless. like i don't make any bit of difference with what i am doing. i never get very many consults and feel like dietitians are not really utilized where i am. i hope thats not the case at every hospital. i don't like working with adults who don't care at all about their health and thus have put themselves in the position they are in...i.e. having diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney failure, liver failure because they drink too much. maybe this is a bad attitude for a dietitian to have, but when a person has had diabetes for 10+ years, have never done anything to control it, and are in the hospital for a couple days...i feel like my efforts to see if they want diet education are futile. maybe inpatient clinical is not the place for me with adults...maybe its the population of detroit...maybe i just need to remember how i loved my pediatric rotation. i don't know. and i hate feeling this negatively so much towards this when im so close to being done. but its scary to me that i feel like this and am ready to go out into the real world. i don't want to go back to school...but don't really know if this is what i'm called to do. if it isn't, then what is it??

enough complaining already. i just want to have a job i love. something that i ENJOY doing. not that i dread going to work for and feeling like i need to hide because i don't want to look stupid in front of a doctor. i want to make a difference. i want to do something that the Lord is calling me into, where i can affect people's lives in some way. and where i feel CONFIDENT in what i am doing and confident in who i am with whatever job i am doing. i don't feel that where i am right now and i don't like that feeling. seven more days...can't wait to be done.

on a happier note, jordan came up for one last time and it was a perfect weekend. he took me to the melting pot for graduation and it was AMAZINGGG!!! it was so delicious. and just so nice to be together for a weekend, hang out, be a normal couple. can't wait for four whole days in c-town soon and a week with my best friends then a weekend with kimberrrly!!! yay for perfect friends.

update: 3 weeks and 1/2 day!!

so close! we started our staffing rotations and i am at detroit recieving hospital...the trauma hospital at the DMC. we are in charge of two floors for four weeks...and its gone well so far. i actually really like having my own floors and being able to figure out what patients i am going to see and organizing my floors. now the next step is...lets pay me for the work im doing!!! haha still waiting to hear about the part time job i applied to in steubenville by jordans house...keep your fingers crossed please!

i finished my marathon last weekend!!!!! i was SO happy, i almost teared up when i crossed the finish line :) it was so great!! granted i was barely able to walk monday & tuesday...but it really was great. the first 13 miles were fine cause i was more focused on getting tay though her half, which btw she did AMAZING!!!! i was SO proud of her. oh and i have the BEST roommate/running coach ever...colby flew up from va beach to see the race. it was SO good to have her there. after mile 13 it really hit me, oh my gosh...i still have 13 more to go, that was a little daunting. miles 16-19 were really painful and dragged on, then jordan jumped in at mile 20.5 and kept me going...if not for him, i probably would have walked. colby ran the last 1/2 mile and i was even able to sprint the last .2 miles. it hurt like hell, but i will do it again! it felt so good to finish and know all that training i put in paid off. i can't wait to get running again.

three weeks...i can't WAIT to move home. and spend time with my family, jordan and best friends. i miss being able to see them all the time. almost there!!

t-minus 5 weeks and 3 days!!!

yep, five weeks and three days til GRADUATION!!!!! and until im RD eligible and able to get a J-O-B!!!! hooray! im SO ready. im so ready to be done with this school thing. im also nervous about being my on my own...like no one to look over and correct my notes. am i really ready/smart enough to actually be a real dietitian?! i guess we'll find out...

i applied for a part time clinical position in steubenville, ohio...which is about 45 minutes from jordan's house. so if i do get it, i will be living in morgan's old room at the lewis residence haha. hopefully i'll be doing the fellowship at children's hospital come may, or i'll find a pediatrics position sometime soon so it would only be temporary, but would be great to only have to work part time so i can study for the RD exam. and i'll get some quality time with the lewis family...hopefully they won't want to kick me out after a couple weeks :) not giving my hopes at all on this though, we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

im in my last regular rotation-oncology. its really sad, but its good so far. i really like the dietitians who work in karmanos, the cancer hospital here. i was placed at detroit recieving hospital for my staffing rotation which im happy about...just a little nervous cause i don't work very fast over there! it will be good though. i present my case study to all of the RD staff thursday...say a prayer for me. can't wait to get it over with. the next several weekends will be great-tay's homecoming/babysitting my boys, marathon weekend, tina comes to visit then jordan comes up and we go to the melting pot, YUM! yay for good weekends :) i had my last over an hour run today (10 miles to be exact) before the marathon which felt good. yay for four and less mile runs! ok, its bedtime! nighty night.

fall is here.

fall has made its entrance today! its rainy, cold and yucky outside. but i am ready for it. well maybe not the super yucky and rainy part, but im for sure looking forward to fall-y weather and everything it entails...like soup and sweatpants and fires and hot tea! i met a family tonight that i am going to babysit for every wednesday til i move back....mainly i'll be watching their eleven month old little girl, shes SO cute. and they have a three and a half year old girl with the most BEAUTIFUL long blonde hair, i was jealous. im excited, just wondering why this didn't come along before september 28th!! bahh. oh well...it'll be fun at least for the next 7 weeks til i move.

20 days til the marathon!!! :)

20 mile run? check.

so i got up at 7 and was on the road by 7:40 to start my seemingly endless 20 mile run and finished at 11:05ish. i was nervous about it since i haven't had a long run in about three weeks. well, i ran 11 on monday, but i mean like a long long 15+ mile run. i know 11 seems like a lot, but i would gladly take an 11 miler over a 15-18 miler any day! i sort of split it up into three parts and started out really slowly and i felt awesome the whole entire way. of course towards the end i was a little bored and feeling it in my knees/hips, but other than that it was awesome. the aftermath is a different story, i haven't felt so good today unfortunately. i have been eating everything in reach though! perfect weather, 55-60 degrees with no sun and all clouds. definitely a blessing in the weather department :) it misted on me too for a good 3-4 miles so that felt nice towards the end. tay ran nine today and ran the whole way! i am SO proud of her for sticking with it, i couldn't have done it for my first half without someone there making me run (colby dearest). and i have colby to thank for getting me hooked on this sick addiction. i really love it though, it is such a good feeling of accomplishment completing longer and longer runs and working towards a goal. one that i thought i NEVER EVER would have been able to achieve. so, lesson learned, never say never! its great though and i am looking forward to october 18 at 7:30 am when i get to run my marathon!

pray that i stay injury free as well...my mileage decreases big time these next 3 weeks and i get two whole days off in a row after today...but a lot of injuries happen towards the end. i would be so so devastated if something happened (stress fracture, strain, etc.) and i couldn't run. i've been working at this for too long for something like that to ruin this. my friend has a stress fracture in her hip and can't run in the chicago marathon she's been training for. yuck. off to bed at 10 on a saturday, im exhausted.

crazy life.

whoops, its been a little while since i've posted. here's a quick recap of what's happened the past couple of weeks...i finished at detroit receiving hospital last week. it was a really great rotation, lots to do, crazy patients to see. we got to see a PEG tube (feeding tube into the stomach and through the abdominal wall) placed, and i almost passed out lol. then we got to see a skin graft which was cool. i was overly cautious though to watch it so i didn't hit the floor in the OR. it was like 1000 degrees in the operating room though, burn patients have a hard time maintaining their body heat, so we were sweating buckets and the thing they used to harvest skin looked like a cheese grater. sick. but it was neat to see. saw some pretty sad stuff though. its a whole different world here in detroit that the majority of the US is sheltered from.

i started at the rehabilitation institute of michigan (RIM) this week and its been alright. kind of boring, but easy stuff so far. i have one more week there then onto oncology for 2 weeks, then staffing for 4 weeks where i'll basically have my own floor to manage, eek! am i ready for that?! so only 7 weeks until graduation...SO weird. i present my case study 2 weeks in front of all the RD's and im ready for that to be OVER. i have my 20 mile run on saturday morning and i am readyyy! can't wait for the marathon.


went to steve rader's wedding a couple weeks ago, he is kyle's old roommate and one of nick and jordans good friends. it was a great time and SO weird to see him get married. he's the first of the group to get hitched, i cant wait for nick and beth's wedding in may, it will be AWESOME! i got to surprise my roomies and go to the morgan county fair a couple weekends ago and it was perfect. they had NO idea and i love surprises like those :) i miss them, can't wait for november 18th.

code blue.

so i saw a patient code today. or for those non-medical folks, his heart stopped and required CPR to get a heartbeat. and it was absolutely nothing like what you see on grey's anatomy. i think this patient really wasn't expected to survive, so that might be why it was so laid back, but it was so calm. a lot of people were gathered around the bed and looking in outside of the room. three or four people kept switching on and off doing CPR while others were handing in meds and really big needles/syringes of serious stuff. i've been certified in CPR for a long time, but have only seen it once besides this time, and the person came to after a few minutes. this went on for a while and we left before we saw what happened. it was just weird to see in real life in a hospital. its nothing like it is in the movies. it was a weird feeling seeing someone die. a patient i saw at the beginning of the week died the next day too, he was only 39. things like this make me appreciate my health so much more. a lot of these people's lives changed in the blink of an eye.

anyways, thats my depressing post for the day. we have to be at work at 630 tomorrow so its to bed at like 9 tonight. sick. can't wait for the weekend though!!! its going to be greattt!!!! :)