so close.

i can almost taste freedom!!! its at the tip of my fingers...only 2 1/2 days until i am DONE with this internship!!! i can't believe it. yes at times it seemed to draggg on, but it has FLOWN by otherwise really. tina, dave and taylor are coming up thursday for graduation and then we all go out to dinner with all the dietitians and families, etc thursday night. it should be fun!! still waiting to hear about the part-time job....say a prayer for me. i really want to hear about it! if not, maybe i'll get a christmas-nothing job to earn a little christmas money. who knows...im trying not to worry about money right now. if i think about it too much, i'll start freaking out and i don't need that yet. i want to actually EAT thanksgiving dinner this year...last year i was so stressed out and sick that i didn't eat much of thanksgiving dinner. or anything of that matter until i moved to michigan ha. that sucked. but im trying to stay calm, patient and remember that im in better hands than mine, better hand than i can even imagine. so thats what i keep reminding myself when i feel the need to take over and plan everything out. its not in my hands and when i really think about it, im glad in not in charge, i don't think i'd do a very good job.

four days til i move HOME, five days til i get to spend more than a weekend with jordan (and see helen/brad/everett & go to church), 8 days til im reunited with my best friends ever, annnd 2 weeks and 2 days til im reunited with kimberly!!! good couple of weeks ahead :) :)

purpose.

so frustrated with my staffing. i feel like my job is worthless. like i don't make any bit of difference with what i am doing. i never get very many consults and feel like dietitians are not really utilized where i am. i hope thats not the case at every hospital. i don't like working with adults who don't care at all about their health and thus have put themselves in the position they are in...i.e. having diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney failure, liver failure because they drink too much. maybe this is a bad attitude for a dietitian to have, but when a person has had diabetes for 10+ years, have never done anything to control it, and are in the hospital for a couple days...i feel like my efforts to see if they want diet education are futile. maybe inpatient clinical is not the place for me with adults...maybe its the population of detroit...maybe i just need to remember how i loved my pediatric rotation. i don't know. and i hate feeling this negatively so much towards this when im so close to being done. but its scary to me that i feel like this and am ready to go out into the real world. i don't want to go back to school...but don't really know if this is what i'm called to do. if it isn't, then what is it??

enough complaining already. i just want to have a job i love. something that i ENJOY doing. not that i dread going to work for and feeling like i need to hide because i don't want to look stupid in front of a doctor. i want to make a difference. i want to do something that the Lord is calling me into, where i can affect people's lives in some way. and where i feel CONFIDENT in what i am doing and confident in who i am with whatever job i am doing. i don't feel that where i am right now and i don't like that feeling. seven more days...can't wait to be done.

on a happier note, jordan came up for one last time and it was a perfect weekend. he took me to the melting pot for graduation and it was AMAZINGGG!!! it was so delicious. and just so nice to be together for a weekend, hang out, be a normal couple. can't wait for four whole days in c-town soon and a week with my best friends then a weekend with kimberrrly!!! yay for perfect friends.