stress.

so i know my problems are very minuscule compared to what most people i see everyday are facing, so i feel like i really shouldn't get stressed or complain or anything. but i am stressed, so this is a very mini vent session, i apologize in advance...don't read if you want to! im not looking for pity...just maybe a prayer or two for things to go smoothly the next couple months :) i have my big case study paper due in 2 weeks and its a LOT of reading really difficult scientific articles that i don't really understand & writing a 12 page paper & making a presentation out of it...this is what we need to complete to graduate, so, it must be good. bah. i have also felt discouraged latley like im just never going to be a good, proficient dietitian who knows as much as these other RD's i've worked with do. (i know i know, its called experience) i bought some new running shoes and they gave me new blisters & i am having a lot of pain in my left leg when i run & am feeling very discouraged about this marathon thing, 10 weeks to go, and i've hit a wall. and i wish someone would hand me a slip of paper outlining the 6 or 7 months of my life after novemeber, because i have zerrrro direction as to where im headed. and i miss my friends & family (esp my roommates) & am sick of the distance between j and i. so if you wouldn't mind saying a quick prayer for peace for my worrisome heart/head, i would greatly greatly appreciate it. i know time will work things out...i just need to keep reminding myself that. ok...NO MORE COMPLAINING for the next week, i CAN do this!

awesome weekend!

i had a great weekend! i went to carrollton to see jordan and his family, his aunt and uncle were in from phoenix. we really didn't do much, just hung out and had a lazy weekend, but it was SO nice! his house has this awesome wrap around porch that we did a lot of drinking tea and sitting on and that was a perfect weekend for me :) we went to church sunday and that was great too! i so look forward to those weekends i get to go to church, i wish i could go every sunday.

i started in my high risk pregnancy rotation today. it was really sad to hear some of these girls (i dont say women because most of them aren't yet) OB backgrounds and how many babies they have lost or abortions they have had. its such a nasty cycle here with these girls getting pregnant so young and having so many babies and not being able to provide for them. its sad because i feel like theres so much hopelessness there...i think these girls feel so trapped and like they are never going to break free of what they've been trapped in. its hard to keep judgements to a minimum as well when you see a mom whos had 5 miscarriages, 2 stillborns, but has also been a cocaine addict for 20+ years...and is pregnant again. very sad.

off to bed... im so tired and have had a headache all day :(

confused.

today was a stressful day at the WIC clinic. we saw a girl, a kid really, who had just turned 15. she also had a one month old baby. which means she was pregnant when she was 14. it was so weird to watch the interaction between this girl, her grandmother and her baby. it was very mixed up. the girl didn't necessarily neglect the baby when she held it, but it was as if the baby was more of an accessory rather than a human being, she was on her cell more than making eye contact with her child. when the grandmother asked if she fed the baby this afternoon, she got a guilty smile on her face and replied "no, i forgot again". forgot? you forget to feed a newborn? i kept thinking, shes just a kid! shes a child herself, why does she have a child? im 23 and don't feel prepared to have a child or like i am ready to raise a child, so how is a 15 year old supposed to? they're still completley focused on me me me.

then we saw a baby who was a foster child living with his aunt. when they got the baby, he had 8 cracked ribs, two brain bleeds. he was born at 8 pounds and was only nine pounds at two months, i.e. he had not been fed enough at all. i had a headache after today after seeing these two kids. how do you crack a baby's ribs? how do you forget to feed them? it just broke my heart to see these situations, and it's even worse because this is the norm for this area.

i have liked working in WIC these past 2 weeks, its just hard to see the really rough situations like those. luckily the baby who was abused was with a great foster family and it 100% ok now. makes me all the more thankful for the family i have and parents that have given me so much. i can't wait for the weekend!

great weekend!

the weekend was wonderful, too fast of course! friday i ran a ten miler which was perfect actually, cloudy skies, rain the last three miles, very good! then slept for 12 hours friday night, i sooo needed it. how do people with kids do it?! i need my sleep! haha saturday was spent seriously cleaning (and i mean serious cleaning) my apartment because it needed it sooo badly. so that wasn't THAT fun, but i felt like i accomplished a lot afterwards which is always a nice feeling. lori and i went out to dinner and then waited my my family to get here!!! we got coldstone in birmingham and went to the zoo today...it was so fun! i love having them here! and i love my family, im so glad/blessed i have them (flaws and all haha)!!

another week at WIC...should be alright, just slightly boring. i start high risk pregnancy next week which should be good. the weeks are winding down, 17 to go!!! how nuts is that?? our paper chain is dwindling down which is something i love to see :) im just hoping a little clarification/intercession on God's behalf kicks in sooner rather than later so i don't stress too much about my life after november 13th...i know it'll work out. this "in between" floating around stage in life just is getting a little old. trying to enjoy it though because im sure 10 years from now when im settled down with kids, a husband, etc etc i will miss this part in my life. maybe? maybe not? i dont know. im just trying to wish i was at some other point than where i am now, trying very hard! im headed to ctown next weekend to see the lewis family and aunt sheila and uncle ken too from arizona! oh and everett too! should be a good time, can't wait....i love spending time with great families :) off to write some cards now...

harry tonight!

harrrry potter comes out tonight!!!!!! unfortunately i am NOT going to be seeing the midnight viewing...but hopefully seeing it thursday night with sue and jim, but we'll see! started at a WIC (women, infants & children) clinic this week which has been interesting. i like it a lot and could see myself doing it. i just love seeing cute babies/kids and teeny tiny babies!!! got a good dose of birth control today though...twin two year olds and a three year old sccccreaming bloody murder because they didnt want to be weighed on a scale or have their height measured. i could NOT deal with that right now, nor do i want to for a little while. i love playing with cute kids and handing them back to mom and dad- its way more fun :)

tina dave and tay (maybe riy?) are coming to go to the detroit zoo this weekend, im pretty pumped!! welp...thats all i really have for right now. i getta sleep in til 9:30 tomorrow!! im excited!

july?!

its july already?! crazy. summer flies by even when you are a grown up and have a stinkin grown up job. yuck. vacation was amazzzing. jordan and i were on the beach every day/night and it was perfect. the weather was unusually hot...like so hot even at night you were completley covered in sweat. sick. but we had a couple really nice days, one great night at salty dog! i love hilton head! (i think j heard me say that about a million times all week). we got to spend 3 days in carrollton which was nice too, i love being there and being able to go to church! we spent the 4th with some families from church and i got to hold the cutest (and fatest) 5 month old for a long while :) i was in heaven. we watched pretty sweet fireworks up on a hill (like nothing you've seen in findlay) and could see like 8-10 little towns fireworks in the distance!

and now, its back to reality...had my last week of peds this week :( but its been good, busy, but good. i was on a renal floor all week, but got to see some diabetes clinics, cystic fibrosis and some others...so i've seen a bunch. saw a pretty complicated little kid with end stage renal disease today and my brain is tired from having to think and plan what to do for this kid. he was dealing with crazzzy high blood pressure since his kidneys aren't functioning so we had to watch the amount of fluid he was getting. the dietitian i was with was great at making me really think and explain what I thought of the situation, instead of just telling me...which is great, just mentally draining. renal is a hard specialty to nail down! i start at a public health WIC clinic next week which should be interesting. i wish i was one of those people who didn't stress out and just let most things be. unfortunatley, thats not me...and i've been stressing majorally for whats to come after november and praying that i find peace about not knowing quite yet. its for sure a challenge.

harry comes out wednesday!!! ahhh!!! so excited :) headed home this weekend to see the fam...havent been home in a while, so it should be good! minus the 11 miles i must run saturday morning. sick. at least i can lay on the couch at home when i'm done thought, right?! :)