so close.

i can almost taste freedom!!! its at the tip of my fingers...only 2 1/2 days until i am DONE with this internship!!! i can't believe it. yes at times it seemed to draggg on, but it has FLOWN by otherwise really. tina, dave and taylor are coming up thursday for graduation and then we all go out to dinner with all the dietitians and families, etc thursday night. it should be fun!! still waiting to hear about the part-time job....say a prayer for me. i really want to hear about it! if not, maybe i'll get a christmas-nothing job to earn a little christmas money. who knows...im trying not to worry about money right now. if i think about it too much, i'll start freaking out and i don't need that yet. i want to actually EAT thanksgiving dinner this year...last year i was so stressed out and sick that i didn't eat much of thanksgiving dinner. or anything of that matter until i moved to michigan ha. that sucked. but im trying to stay calm, patient and remember that im in better hands than mine, better hand than i can even imagine. so thats what i keep reminding myself when i feel the need to take over and plan everything out. its not in my hands and when i really think about it, im glad in not in charge, i don't think i'd do a very good job.

four days til i move HOME, five days til i get to spend more than a weekend with jordan (and see helen/brad/everett & go to church), 8 days til im reunited with my best friends ever, annnd 2 weeks and 2 days til im reunited with kimberly!!! good couple of weeks ahead :) :)

purpose.

so frustrated with my staffing. i feel like my job is worthless. like i don't make any bit of difference with what i am doing. i never get very many consults and feel like dietitians are not really utilized where i am. i hope thats not the case at every hospital. i don't like working with adults who don't care at all about their health and thus have put themselves in the position they are in...i.e. having diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney failure, liver failure because they drink too much. maybe this is a bad attitude for a dietitian to have, but when a person has had diabetes for 10+ years, have never done anything to control it, and are in the hospital for a couple days...i feel like my efforts to see if they want diet education are futile. maybe inpatient clinical is not the place for me with adults...maybe its the population of detroit...maybe i just need to remember how i loved my pediatric rotation. i don't know. and i hate feeling this negatively so much towards this when im so close to being done. but its scary to me that i feel like this and am ready to go out into the real world. i don't want to go back to school...but don't really know if this is what i'm called to do. if it isn't, then what is it??

enough complaining already. i just want to have a job i love. something that i ENJOY doing. not that i dread going to work for and feeling like i need to hide because i don't want to look stupid in front of a doctor. i want to make a difference. i want to do something that the Lord is calling me into, where i can affect people's lives in some way. and where i feel CONFIDENT in what i am doing and confident in who i am with whatever job i am doing. i don't feel that where i am right now and i don't like that feeling. seven more days...can't wait to be done.

on a happier note, jordan came up for one last time and it was a perfect weekend. he took me to the melting pot for graduation and it was AMAZINGGG!!! it was so delicious. and just so nice to be together for a weekend, hang out, be a normal couple. can't wait for four whole days in c-town soon and a week with my best friends then a weekend with kimberrrly!!! yay for perfect friends.

update: 3 weeks and 1/2 day!!

so close! we started our staffing rotations and i am at detroit recieving hospital...the trauma hospital at the DMC. we are in charge of two floors for four weeks...and its gone well so far. i actually really like having my own floors and being able to figure out what patients i am going to see and organizing my floors. now the next step is...lets pay me for the work im doing!!! haha still waiting to hear about the part time job i applied to in steubenville by jordans house...keep your fingers crossed please!

i finished my marathon last weekend!!!!! i was SO happy, i almost teared up when i crossed the finish line :) it was so great!! granted i was barely able to walk monday & tuesday...but it really was great. the first 13 miles were fine cause i was more focused on getting tay though her half, which btw she did AMAZING!!!! i was SO proud of her. oh and i have the BEST roommate/running coach ever...colby flew up from va beach to see the race. it was SO good to have her there. after mile 13 it really hit me, oh my gosh...i still have 13 more to go, that was a little daunting. miles 16-19 were really painful and dragged on, then jordan jumped in at mile 20.5 and kept me going...if not for him, i probably would have walked. colby ran the last 1/2 mile and i was even able to sprint the last .2 miles. it hurt like hell, but i will do it again! it felt so good to finish and know all that training i put in paid off. i can't wait to get running again.

three weeks...i can't WAIT to move home. and spend time with my family, jordan and best friends. i miss being able to see them all the time. almost there!!

t-minus 5 weeks and 3 days!!!

yep, five weeks and three days til GRADUATION!!!!! and until im RD eligible and able to get a J-O-B!!!! hooray! im SO ready. im so ready to be done with this school thing. im also nervous about being my on my own...like no one to look over and correct my notes. am i really ready/smart enough to actually be a real dietitian?! i guess we'll find out...

i applied for a part time clinical position in steubenville, ohio...which is about 45 minutes from jordan's house. so if i do get it, i will be living in morgan's old room at the lewis residence haha. hopefully i'll be doing the fellowship at children's hospital come may, or i'll find a pediatrics position sometime soon so it would only be temporary, but would be great to only have to work part time so i can study for the RD exam. and i'll get some quality time with the lewis family...hopefully they won't want to kick me out after a couple weeks :) not giving my hopes at all on this though, we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

im in my last regular rotation-oncology. its really sad, but its good so far. i really like the dietitians who work in karmanos, the cancer hospital here. i was placed at detroit recieving hospital for my staffing rotation which im happy about...just a little nervous cause i don't work very fast over there! it will be good though. i present my case study to all of the RD staff thursday...say a prayer for me. can't wait to get it over with. the next several weekends will be great-tay's homecoming/babysitting my boys, marathon weekend, tina comes to visit then jordan comes up and we go to the melting pot, YUM! yay for good weekends :) i had my last over an hour run today (10 miles to be exact) before the marathon which felt good. yay for four and less mile runs! ok, its bedtime! nighty night.

fall is here.

fall has made its entrance today! its rainy, cold and yucky outside. but i am ready for it. well maybe not the super yucky and rainy part, but im for sure looking forward to fall-y weather and everything it entails...like soup and sweatpants and fires and hot tea! i met a family tonight that i am going to babysit for every wednesday til i move back....mainly i'll be watching their eleven month old little girl, shes SO cute. and they have a three and a half year old girl with the most BEAUTIFUL long blonde hair, i was jealous. im excited, just wondering why this didn't come along before september 28th!! bahh. oh well...it'll be fun at least for the next 7 weeks til i move.

20 days til the marathon!!! :)

20 mile run? check.

so i got up at 7 and was on the road by 7:40 to start my seemingly endless 20 mile run and finished at 11:05ish. i was nervous about it since i haven't had a long run in about three weeks. well, i ran 11 on monday, but i mean like a long long 15+ mile run. i know 11 seems like a lot, but i would gladly take an 11 miler over a 15-18 miler any day! i sort of split it up into three parts and started out really slowly and i felt awesome the whole entire way. of course towards the end i was a little bored and feeling it in my knees/hips, but other than that it was awesome. the aftermath is a different story, i haven't felt so good today unfortunately. i have been eating everything in reach though! perfect weather, 55-60 degrees with no sun and all clouds. definitely a blessing in the weather department :) it misted on me too for a good 3-4 miles so that felt nice towards the end. tay ran nine today and ran the whole way! i am SO proud of her for sticking with it, i couldn't have done it for my first half without someone there making me run (colby dearest). and i have colby to thank for getting me hooked on this sick addiction. i really love it though, it is such a good feeling of accomplishment completing longer and longer runs and working towards a goal. one that i thought i NEVER EVER would have been able to achieve. so, lesson learned, never say never! its great though and i am looking forward to october 18 at 7:30 am when i get to run my marathon!

pray that i stay injury free as well...my mileage decreases big time these next 3 weeks and i get two whole days off in a row after today...but a lot of injuries happen towards the end. i would be so so devastated if something happened (stress fracture, strain, etc.) and i couldn't run. i've been working at this for too long for something like that to ruin this. my friend has a stress fracture in her hip and can't run in the chicago marathon she's been training for. yuck. off to bed at 10 on a saturday, im exhausted.

crazy life.

whoops, its been a little while since i've posted. here's a quick recap of what's happened the past couple of weeks...i finished at detroit receiving hospital last week. it was a really great rotation, lots to do, crazy patients to see. we got to see a PEG tube (feeding tube into the stomach and through the abdominal wall) placed, and i almost passed out lol. then we got to see a skin graft which was cool. i was overly cautious though to watch it so i didn't hit the floor in the OR. it was like 1000 degrees in the operating room though, burn patients have a hard time maintaining their body heat, so we were sweating buckets and the thing they used to harvest skin looked like a cheese grater. sick. but it was neat to see. saw some pretty sad stuff though. its a whole different world here in detroit that the majority of the US is sheltered from.

i started at the rehabilitation institute of michigan (RIM) this week and its been alright. kind of boring, but easy stuff so far. i have one more week there then onto oncology for 2 weeks, then staffing for 4 weeks where i'll basically have my own floor to manage, eek! am i ready for that?! so only 7 weeks until graduation...SO weird. i present my case study 2 weeks in front of all the RD's and im ready for that to be OVER. i have my 20 mile run on saturday morning and i am readyyy! can't wait for the marathon.


went to steve rader's wedding a couple weeks ago, he is kyle's old roommate and one of nick and jordans good friends. it was a great time and SO weird to see him get married. he's the first of the group to get hitched, i cant wait for nick and beth's wedding in may, it will be AWESOME! i got to surprise my roomies and go to the morgan county fair a couple weekends ago and it was perfect. they had NO idea and i love surprises like those :) i miss them, can't wait for november 18th.

code blue.

so i saw a patient code today. or for those non-medical folks, his heart stopped and required CPR to get a heartbeat. and it was absolutely nothing like what you see on grey's anatomy. i think this patient really wasn't expected to survive, so that might be why it was so laid back, but it was so calm. a lot of people were gathered around the bed and looking in outside of the room. three or four people kept switching on and off doing CPR while others were handing in meds and really big needles/syringes of serious stuff. i've been certified in CPR for a long time, but have only seen it once besides this time, and the person came to after a few minutes. this went on for a while and we left before we saw what happened. it was just weird to see in real life in a hospital. its nothing like it is in the movies. it was a weird feeling seeing someone die. a patient i saw at the beginning of the week died the next day too, he was only 39. things like this make me appreciate my health so much more. a lot of these people's lives changed in the blink of an eye.

anyways, thats my depressing post for the day. we have to be at work at 630 tomorrow so its to bed at like 9 tonight. sick. can't wait for the weekend though!!! its going to be greattt!!!! :)

i feel God in this chiles tonight.

bahaha im watching the office right now, season two dundees award and its pretty funny :) lori and i played the office trivia game last night too, i cant wait for new office episodes!! my butt is currently parked on the couch, my knees are throbbing and i ran 17.5 miles this morning! the weather was perfect, 55 degrees when i started, 60 when i finished and very little sun. gorgeous! it took me quite a while to get into my groove where i felt good, but it was overall a fairly good run. i feel better now than i did when i finished my 16 miler a couple weeks ago. only 6 weeks til race weekend...im pumped! i kind of wish i had gotten my act together and ran for a charity or something, the cbus marathon didn't have any that i could find that took runners on unfortunately. so i totaled my miles from i think may 25th up until now and i have logged 358 miles!! craziness!!!! that seems like SO much!! its been a perfect perfect summer for training, im very thankful for the cooler weather this summer. tay and i are going to get crazy running tights to run in...possibly pink zebra tights :) what color do you think?? running funky i like the cow and giraffe, but they aren't very colorful!

off for a nap, and then babysitting at 4:30 for ethan and aidan. hopefully they don't have much energy tonight...not sure i will be able to keep up with them lol. can't wait for next weekend, i get to see some of my favorite people! (nick, beth, j!) and our crab cake dinner is next weekend toooo :)

11 weeks and counting.

thats right. eleven weeks and counting until the end. we're almost into the single digits! how crazy is that?? it had NOT seemed like it has passed this fast...but it has. crazy crazy. i have 3 rotations and 4 weeks of staffing left...its going to go so fast! i feel comfortable in all my rotations and being able to function pretty much independently, but to think about leaving where i've been comfortable and starting a new job as an actual dietitian, is scary and my immediate gut reaction is "im not ready for that!" but i'm sure i will be. i don't think God will put me in a place im not prepared for. i keep thinking how much i want to be in pediatrics too...and when i keep getting frustrated with some of my rotations, i remember the feeling i had when i was at children's. i keep reminding myself that if thats where my passion and interests are, working with kids, that the Lord will provide me with that opportunity. He isn't going to stick me in a place where im going to be unhappy.

i got to go to ctown and see morgan, josh, jordan and lots of other great people over the weekend. we went wakeboarding which was a BLAST. church of course was awesome. there really hasn't been a time i've gone to church there where the Lord hasn't met me right where im am or with what im struggling with...im always slightly amazed or taken aback when it happens, even though i shouldn't be since i know He always meets me where i am, no questions asked.

delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. psalm 37:4

this is what the message was about...truly delighting in the Lord instead of making it a chore to be with Him and what you recieve in return. and not worrying...phyllis (the pastor's wife) asked, what would happen if you stopped worrying? i've never really thought about that since i always am worrying...but really, it doesn't change any outcomes does it? i don't think i'll get rid of my worrying automatically...but im going to focus on enjoying Him more and trying to make everything work out in my life less because of my fear of failure, because really, i don't want to be in control, i wouldn't have a clue what i was doing. so im going to keep on delighting instead :)

i love running

so i never really considered myself a runner for a long long time...even after i had a couple half marathons under my belt. but i suppose since im training for a full marathon and have ran four halfs, i can consider myself a real runner...i had one of those runs tonight that reminded me why i run and how much a LOVE it! i went around 8 since it's been SO hot out and i love to watch the sun set and the clouds change color when i run in the evening. i just feel so GOOD when i run...like i could keep going and going...well, except when im running 16 or so miles, then i want to stop haha. im not sure how to explain how it feels other than good. i suppose its that "runner's high" people talk about. im excited for tay to run the half and have her see she CAN do it...its awesome to see someone accomplish that for the first time...thanks to colby for converting me :) three days til the weekend, i can't wait!!!!

hotness.

its been a while since i've updated...whoops. i've been at a subacute rehab nursing home this week and last. its definitely a different world there...i REALLY like the RD that i've been with...shes awesome. very willing to teach and get us experience. not sure i would like to work in a nursing home though, its very sad and depressing. i have a cardiology/general clinical rotation next week then start at detroit receiving hospital in two weeks. DRH is like the trauma hospital of detroit with lots of accidents, burns, gunshot victims, etc. yikes. im nervous for it but the other interns have really enjoyed their time there so it should be good.

i got to go home this past weekend for justin's birthday cookout...jordan came to findlay too and it was a great time! weekends always go so fast...we were at the pool saturday and sunday and it was SO hot! j took me out to red lobster sat night and we had a big cookout sunday with all the fam, it was nice to have real food for a change since i never have any at my apt haha. im headed to carrollton this weekend and going wake boarding saturday!! i cant wait! 13 weeks left of the internship, woohoo!

happy birthday jus!

happy birthday jus! weird that he's 22..i know im 23, its just weird we're all that old! i can't wait for next weekend to see my fam and jordan and have a cookout for his bday! this weekend has been relatively non-evenful...lots of paper writing, running and sleeping. i babysat friday night for ethan and aidan and we had a blast!!! aidan reached for me from his mama who was holding him as soon as i got there, that made me feel pretty good :) we played with water, read books and ran around the basement a lot. i will be happy with whatever gender of kids i end up with, but i think secretly i am hoping i get stuck with boys. they are SO much fun and i click a lot better with boys than i do girls :) i'd rather play rough and tumble than with barbies and dolls (boring!).

i ran 16 miles saturday morning...in the pouring down rain (took me about 3 hours). i was able to listen to my shuffle til about mile 3 then had to put it away because of the rain! but i would rather run in the rain than in sun...and it was a great run! the last 2 miles were rough and i felt like crap for the whole day, but i did it and am excited for the marathon!! not sure how i'll tack on another 10 miles...but im getting there. i bought my ticket for va beach after graduation in november so im super excited for that! im going to fly down to colby and addy's then drive back before thanksgiving with them!!! it will be SO nice having nothing to do and just relaxing with them (and seeing new moon!!!!) im headed to a nursing home these next two weeks which is my last rotation away from the DMC campus which is good. hopefully it will be a good rotation. off to bed now!

lemon tea.

so my life revolves around five things right now: sleep, eat, work, write, run. my stupid case study literature review paper is due next friday and i should have started it weeks ago. mistake on my part....it is interesting though and i am not bored by it, just annoyed that its consuming my life right now! but in two months from now, i will be DONE with my case study completely. hooray. my sisters and mom are headed to hilton head with my aunt and cousin for the week and im SO jealous. especially since im stuck doing tons of work. being a grown up kind of stinks.

what i got on to write about it sort of silly...but felt like taking a quick break from reading articles. i made a cup of lemon lift tea and had flashbacks to when i was a kid and would spend the night at nanas. its funny how little things like the smell of tea can take you back to such good memories! it makes me remember nana and pops old house on surrey and spending so many good nights there with them! so this cup of tea made me even more thankful that i got to grow up with my grandparents so close, and being so close to them :) i just wish poppy (and my granpa) could be here still to see how much we've all grown! so yeah, sort of silly, but good to have those little random triggers to remind me of good memories!

yay for kiddos!

i got to babysit on friday! two little boys-ethan (3) and aidan (18 months) who live in birmingham. i had talked to the dad earlier last week and set it up. i was a little nervous not ever having met them, and the kids not meeting me until friday, but it worked out SO well! they were the easiest kids i have ever had to put to sleep and they didn't even know me. aidan got tired a little before bedtime and wouldn't let me put him down, i really didn't mind at all :) we played outside with bubbles and chalk and set up trains in the basement. haha i know i know, im like the coolest 23 year old ever hanging out with babies on a friday night. but i dont really care, it was a blast and relieved a lot of stress that i've had building up latley. im not sure many people would say taking care of little kids would relieve their stress...but it does for me! they had an amazing home theater in their basement which was saweeet. we took turns imitating animals and guessing them on the theater's stage haha needless to say, i had a lot of fun and get to watch them again next friday!

lori and i roasted marshmellows on our mini grill last night on charcoal that took like 2 1/2 hours to light haha it was a blast. i spent the majority of today researching cystic fibrosis and its pathophysiology...exciting really. its taking a long time to really understand the articles im reading in order to write my research paper. i hate having to stare at a computer for so long. i got 3 out of a minimum of 12 pages wrote...so i suppose thats a start. its going to be a long 2 weeks ahead of me to get this finished. if i didn't have to work 40 hours a week on top of this, my life would be a lot less stressful! or if i was headed to hilton head with my mom and sisters in two days. sigh. off to bed!

stress.

so i know my problems are very minuscule compared to what most people i see everyday are facing, so i feel like i really shouldn't get stressed or complain or anything. but i am stressed, so this is a very mini vent session, i apologize in advance...don't read if you want to! im not looking for pity...just maybe a prayer or two for things to go smoothly the next couple months :) i have my big case study paper due in 2 weeks and its a LOT of reading really difficult scientific articles that i don't really understand & writing a 12 page paper & making a presentation out of it...this is what we need to complete to graduate, so, it must be good. bah. i have also felt discouraged latley like im just never going to be a good, proficient dietitian who knows as much as these other RD's i've worked with do. (i know i know, its called experience) i bought some new running shoes and they gave me new blisters & i am having a lot of pain in my left leg when i run & am feeling very discouraged about this marathon thing, 10 weeks to go, and i've hit a wall. and i wish someone would hand me a slip of paper outlining the 6 or 7 months of my life after novemeber, because i have zerrrro direction as to where im headed. and i miss my friends & family (esp my roommates) & am sick of the distance between j and i. so if you wouldn't mind saying a quick prayer for peace for my worrisome heart/head, i would greatly greatly appreciate it. i know time will work things out...i just need to keep reminding myself that. ok...NO MORE COMPLAINING for the next week, i CAN do this!

awesome weekend!

i had a great weekend! i went to carrollton to see jordan and his family, his aunt and uncle were in from phoenix. we really didn't do much, just hung out and had a lazy weekend, but it was SO nice! his house has this awesome wrap around porch that we did a lot of drinking tea and sitting on and that was a perfect weekend for me :) we went to church sunday and that was great too! i so look forward to those weekends i get to go to church, i wish i could go every sunday.

i started in my high risk pregnancy rotation today. it was really sad to hear some of these girls (i dont say women because most of them aren't yet) OB backgrounds and how many babies they have lost or abortions they have had. its such a nasty cycle here with these girls getting pregnant so young and having so many babies and not being able to provide for them. its sad because i feel like theres so much hopelessness there...i think these girls feel so trapped and like they are never going to break free of what they've been trapped in. its hard to keep judgements to a minimum as well when you see a mom whos had 5 miscarriages, 2 stillborns, but has also been a cocaine addict for 20+ years...and is pregnant again. very sad.

off to bed... im so tired and have had a headache all day :(

confused.

today was a stressful day at the WIC clinic. we saw a girl, a kid really, who had just turned 15. she also had a one month old baby. which means she was pregnant when she was 14. it was so weird to watch the interaction between this girl, her grandmother and her baby. it was very mixed up. the girl didn't necessarily neglect the baby when she held it, but it was as if the baby was more of an accessory rather than a human being, she was on her cell more than making eye contact with her child. when the grandmother asked if she fed the baby this afternoon, she got a guilty smile on her face and replied "no, i forgot again". forgot? you forget to feed a newborn? i kept thinking, shes just a kid! shes a child herself, why does she have a child? im 23 and don't feel prepared to have a child or like i am ready to raise a child, so how is a 15 year old supposed to? they're still completley focused on me me me.

then we saw a baby who was a foster child living with his aunt. when they got the baby, he had 8 cracked ribs, two brain bleeds. he was born at 8 pounds and was only nine pounds at two months, i.e. he had not been fed enough at all. i had a headache after today after seeing these two kids. how do you crack a baby's ribs? how do you forget to feed them? it just broke my heart to see these situations, and it's even worse because this is the norm for this area.

i have liked working in WIC these past 2 weeks, its just hard to see the really rough situations like those. luckily the baby who was abused was with a great foster family and it 100% ok now. makes me all the more thankful for the family i have and parents that have given me so much. i can't wait for the weekend!

great weekend!

the weekend was wonderful, too fast of course! friday i ran a ten miler which was perfect actually, cloudy skies, rain the last three miles, very good! then slept for 12 hours friday night, i sooo needed it. how do people with kids do it?! i need my sleep! haha saturday was spent seriously cleaning (and i mean serious cleaning) my apartment because it needed it sooo badly. so that wasn't THAT fun, but i felt like i accomplished a lot afterwards which is always a nice feeling. lori and i went out to dinner and then waited my my family to get here!!! we got coldstone in birmingham and went to the zoo today...it was so fun! i love having them here! and i love my family, im so glad/blessed i have them (flaws and all haha)!!

another week at WIC...should be alright, just slightly boring. i start high risk pregnancy next week which should be good. the weeks are winding down, 17 to go!!! how nuts is that?? our paper chain is dwindling down which is something i love to see :) im just hoping a little clarification/intercession on God's behalf kicks in sooner rather than later so i don't stress too much about my life after november 13th...i know it'll work out. this "in between" floating around stage in life just is getting a little old. trying to enjoy it though because im sure 10 years from now when im settled down with kids, a husband, etc etc i will miss this part in my life. maybe? maybe not? i dont know. im just trying to wish i was at some other point than where i am now, trying very hard! im headed to ctown next weekend to see the lewis family and aunt sheila and uncle ken too from arizona! oh and everett too! should be a good time, can't wait....i love spending time with great families :) off to write some cards now...

harry tonight!

harrrry potter comes out tonight!!!!!! unfortunately i am NOT going to be seeing the midnight viewing...but hopefully seeing it thursday night with sue and jim, but we'll see! started at a WIC (women, infants & children) clinic this week which has been interesting. i like it a lot and could see myself doing it. i just love seeing cute babies/kids and teeny tiny babies!!! got a good dose of birth control today though...twin two year olds and a three year old sccccreaming bloody murder because they didnt want to be weighed on a scale or have their height measured. i could NOT deal with that right now, nor do i want to for a little while. i love playing with cute kids and handing them back to mom and dad- its way more fun :)

tina dave and tay (maybe riy?) are coming to go to the detroit zoo this weekend, im pretty pumped!! welp...thats all i really have for right now. i getta sleep in til 9:30 tomorrow!! im excited!

july?!

its july already?! crazy. summer flies by even when you are a grown up and have a stinkin grown up job. yuck. vacation was amazzzing. jordan and i were on the beach every day/night and it was perfect. the weather was unusually hot...like so hot even at night you were completley covered in sweat. sick. but we had a couple really nice days, one great night at salty dog! i love hilton head! (i think j heard me say that about a million times all week). we got to spend 3 days in carrollton which was nice too, i love being there and being able to go to church! we spent the 4th with some families from church and i got to hold the cutest (and fatest) 5 month old for a long while :) i was in heaven. we watched pretty sweet fireworks up on a hill (like nothing you've seen in findlay) and could see like 8-10 little towns fireworks in the distance!

and now, its back to reality...had my last week of peds this week :( but its been good, busy, but good. i was on a renal floor all week, but got to see some diabetes clinics, cystic fibrosis and some others...so i've seen a bunch. saw a pretty complicated little kid with end stage renal disease today and my brain is tired from having to think and plan what to do for this kid. he was dealing with crazzzy high blood pressure since his kidneys aren't functioning so we had to watch the amount of fluid he was getting. the dietitian i was with was great at making me really think and explain what I thought of the situation, instead of just telling me...which is great, just mentally draining. renal is a hard specialty to nail down! i start at a public health WIC clinic next week which should be interesting. i wish i was one of those people who didn't stress out and just let most things be. unfortunatley, thats not me...and i've been stressing majorally for whats to come after november and praying that i find peace about not knowing quite yet. its for sure a challenge.

harry comes out wednesday!!! ahhh!!! so excited :) headed home this weekend to see the fam...havent been home in a while, so it should be good! minus the 11 miles i must run saturday morning. sick. at least i can lay on the couch at home when i'm done thought, right?! :)

camp!

ok so i fail at trying to keep this updated...but i have done better this month. im at diabetes camp for kids about 7-16. its been alright so far...VERY hot!!! like in the 90's. hilton head is going to kick my butt next week. but i'll be on a beach so i suppose its ok :) we've been responsible for preparing the celiac kid's meals since they can't be in any contact with any gluten-containing food. also we count the kids carbs once the get to the end of the buffet line so they can have their insulin dosed by the med staff after they eat. a lot of the guys try to get awaya with sneaking food, which can be bad if they don't get enough insulin with it!! its definiately a lot to deal with if you are a kid...but they know a LOT about whats going on with them...whether they have high blood sugar, low, what can happen if it gets too high and stays there. but i guess if you are living every day with it, you would know it inside and out. i give them a lot of credit, i would have a hard time adjusting to all those needle pokes.

four of us interns got to play on the water trampoline and slide last night and it was way cool! except i had to wear a stinking life jacket. really?! couldn't i just tell them i've been a lifeguard for 5+ years and have been able to swim since i could walk?! gotta love lake water though. camp has made me remember camp michindoh a lot...and how great it was!! i miss home!! i wanted to be home sunday to cookout and go to the pool with my family for father's day. i hate missing out on stuff like that...i think im reminded daily (especially right now) how thankful i am that i do miss them and having that to look forward to going home to. its great :) two days til hilton head and jordan!!!!!! i am SO pumped!!!!

yessss.

so i found my job. well, not really because someone already has it...but i LOVE working in pediatric neurology with the keto diet. its awwwesome. i helped advance a little 1 yr old's diet from a 2:1 to a 3:1 ratio today and talked to the dad about it (by myself!) and am doing the education tomorrow for it. and i wasn't nervous! it feels nice knowing what im talking about to some extent. i might even get to DO a tube feeding tomorrow when we show the dad how to prepare the formula, so cool! i got to update about 15 recipes for a kid whos ratio was being increased because his seizures were increasing, so that was cool too. unfortunetly, this is such a specific field, it might be hard to find a job in this area...but im keeping my fingers crossed and saying a little prayer because i would seriously LOVE to work in this field, the brain is so amazing. its so interesting, sad, but very interesting. its not sad though when you initiate a diet for a child who has no other options and get to see their seizure frequency decrease-or cease altogether, what's cooler than helping a family do that?! perhaps its so cool to me since i've been there...maybe not as severe as these little ones, but i know the frustrations.

it feels so good to finally find something i truly enjoy. not just kind of enjoy, but something i really like. i talked to the rd im with about the pediatric fellowship they offer at children's, which i feel like im way more interested in now. i feel like this (peds) is where im supposed to be! yay! im ticked off that our stupid RD exam review is Thurs-Sat and cuts this rotation short by 1 1/2 days, lammme. welp, that was my day, it was excellent!!! off to pack some-ten days left til vacatttion!!!!! :)

yay!

hooray! today was really good! i had my first day of my peds rotation with the ketogenic rd...and it was great. we started a little one year old with infantile spasms (an epilepsy syndrome where babies can have up to hundreds of spasms a day) on the diet today. i also got to work in a computer system that allows the RD to come up with specific recipes the keto kids can eat. everything has to be measured out in grams and typically consists of 90% fat, 7% protein and 3% carbohydrate. so its a lot of fat (butter, cream, sour cream) and very little carb (no sugar really). Most kids are on a 3:1 ratio (3 parts fat to 1 part protein/carb) so the computer system lets you adjust food portions to meet calories & come up with the right ratio. its neat. i really liked working with kids since nutrition is so important to their development. i felt like what i was doing actually mattered.

i wish i didnt worry about money so much. i hate worrying about it. i feel like i am smart with what i spend it on, but i really can't stand just spending what i take out in loans since i can't work right now. i hate that i can't have a job and i feel like i can't provide for myself right now. i know what im doing now is helping me be able to provide for myself & my family later on, its just hard now. i know im in pretty good shape compared to the large majority of americans and am blessed with what i've been given thus far, but it's still a stressor and i'm praying i find peace about it all. i don't know how people let themselves get into mountains of debt, i can't imagine how suffocating that must feel. i couldn't deal with that.

eleven days til hilton head and jbl for a week :) :)

hes just not that into you??

so i rented this movie (hes just not that into you) today to watch tonight and i got about 3/4 of the way through and turned it off. it was stupid. one of the plots of it was a girl and a guy (who was married) and how he slowly starts to cheat on his wife with this girl...what is that? and then a couple of the other guys in the movie talk about how no real guy ever wants to get married...how a guy who doesn't marry a girl after a while is just a jerk so thats why they get married. ok, so, maybe i am reading way too much into this movie...but it just really bothered me! all that cheating crap is ridiculous and i cant stand watching it, even if its just a movie. maybe the movie ends differently and i should have watched the whole thing. i just thought it was dumb.

im really hoping tomorrow goes well at childrens with the keto rd. i got a ton to do before camp and vacation!! 12 days til hilton head with jordan!!! :) :) i love summer.

another update!

so im going to try to update this more often :) we had our diabetes camp orientation today...it was boring. but im sort of looking forward to camp, it should be a fun week. i would def be a nervous wreck if i were a counselor or a med staff member...so many kids with diabetes and so much testing, monitoring, insulin injections, etc...its a LOT. and a LOT could potentially happen if close attention isn't paid to each kid. very scary. i don't think most people realize how involved having type 1 diabetes is, especially as a kid. thats a lot to deal with when you just wanna be a kid! needles, always watching what you eat, more needles. its intense.

i ran eight miles this morning! it was a GREAT run. no sun, cloudy, and a nice 55 degrees outside, oh and some nice sprinkling towards the end. it was one of those runs where i felt like i could keep on going towards the end-which is promising for when i have to run 15+ miles! running is so freeing after a while...it just makes me feel GOOD. (well usually, sometimes i want to die lol) its totally a mental thing and im pretty pumped to run my marathon :) and im excited to run with tay too and to have her finish a half!

i feel like im constantly reminded of the blessing of good health with everything i've been surrounded by lately. and how important it is to pray for those who are not so fortunate. sometimes its the only thing you can do and i think the power of it is often overlooked. i know i overlook it when i don't see immediate results. well thats all for now...im off to bed soon, im so exhausted. 13 days til vacation!!!

done with dialysis

im all done with my dialysis rotation...yay!! it was interesting..but i did a lot of sitting, doing nothing, so that part was terribly boring. but i think its a job i would like to do, so that was encouraging. i just hope i never have kidney disease and need dialysis-not sure how i could do that. the needles they use are huuuuge, like i have never seen bigger ones before. and they get stuck twice with them, every other day!! sick.

my peds rotation is next week and i am SO excited!!! im spending the week with th RD that does the ketogenic diet kids...im pumped. it should be really interesting and im really hoping i like it. i think i will. we have a busy couple of weeks coming up...camp orientation all day saturday (sick) and then an RD exam review session thurs, fri and sat next week...then diabetes camp starts sunday. so bascially no weekends til vacation. blah. BUT then its to ctown and down to HILTON HEAD!!!!! AHH!!! so excited. i cant wait to show jordan everywhere we go there and just relax and hang out with each other for a whole week. its going to be grrreat!!!! :) oh, wednesday was the half way point for the internship-nuts huh? i cant believe its been that long. the second half is going to fly by. we'll prolly be able to apply for jobs come october, which will be really strange. anyways, thats whats going on. sorry i stink at updating this. i dont know if anyone reads it anyways! i miss home and my family a lot, i've been lucky to be able to see them a lot the past month or so. thats all for now!!

its june?!

so i fail at this updating the blog thing. i don't really know if anyone reads this, but sorry! things have been super busy lately and i haven't had time to update. the past two weeks i've been in a renal (kidney) rotation seeing end stage renal disease patients and acute renal failure patients. it has been really sad...kidney disease is nasty. dialysis, although fascinating, is nasty as well. i pray that i always have healthy kidneys and never have to deal with that! its bad. i start at a dialysis center for the next two weeks which will be interesting. i start my peds rotation in 2 weeks too...i cant WAIT. i miss being around kids, its like something i crave almost! i LOVE kids. i can't imagine doing this job and not ever being around kids for my career. so i guess its good i at least know vaguely the area i want to work in....because i have no clue with anything else haha

i've had some of the best couple of past weekends! i've been home a ton, saw kimberly over memorial day (basically lived at her house) and got to see jordan this weekend after a month of not seeing him. i realize a month really isn't THAT much...but its still a while. i am not a big fan of it! sam's wedding is next weekend and im SUPER excited! i cant believe its actually happening!!!! we went to dinner at the melting pot last night for her bachloerette party and it was AMAZING. seriously, im obsessed. only four weeks til HH too...i can't wait for a week at the beach and a week with jordan. it will be relaxation that i most definatley need and time with j that is much needed as well.

perfect weekend.

i have the best mom ever. tina came and spent the weekend with me and it was perrrrfect. we went to dinner and watched a movie friday. we went shopping alllll day saturday (not many people could handle that much in one day!) and had delllicious crab cakes for lunch and coldstone for dinner (after walking around forrrever to find it). we went to ann arbor today to the UM botanical gardens, which were a little disappointing, but it was fun and a nice day out nonetheless. tina got me my first hanging basket of flowers for our porch, so im praying i dont kill them :) it was such a relaxing weekend and im thankful that one of my best friends is my mom...a lot of people dont have that.

i start my renal rotation tomorrow...say a prayer for me! im nervous because i know the least about renal, kidneys, and all that...its very complicated and nutrition plays a big role. which is good, but i feel unprepared and don't want to look like the dumb intern. we'll see how it goes!! cant wait for the weekend already- i getta see my family and my bffaeae from boston!!!! yayyy!!!! AND canterbury opens!!! oh and 20 days til sam's wedding...CRAZY. crazy how life flies by. god is SO good!

sigh.

this is my last week of school foodservice, thank goodness. its not that i don't like the people, because i do, they are great, its just a little boring. i start my renal rotation next weekend which will be interesting...thats the area that i feel like i know the least in since it's all so complicated.

my car isn't totaled which is good...the lima bean just needs a loooot of repair work. hopefully she still runs like new when i get her back. $1000 more dollars of damage and she would have been a gonner. stupid drivers. now im driving a 4 door hatchback yaris that looks funny, i names it the black bean haha. i've never been in an accident like that and it was so scary, and it really was quite minor in the grand scheme of things. lucky i had someone looking out for me.

we're about half way through this internship and i am really struggling. im trying to enjoy my time here and not be just looking forward to it being over. but i really am ready to be done...im trying to dig up patience i have stored away because i still have a while to go and lots of things to learn. im tired of being away from people i care about mostly. BUT i have a lot of fun weekends with people i love coming up so im looking forward to those :)

eek! so i haven't written here in a while! the past few weeks have been kind of crazy busy. i've had an exam and presentation last week and a quilt to finish! haha and throw in there training for a half marathon too...needless to say im exhausted. i've been working in my school foodservice rotation the past couple of weeks in birmingham, mi which has been a GREAT drive (its like 5 min away). i love the people i am working with. dave, the manager, is so funny and really cool to work with. he's shown me all the cool places in birminham to run haha today i worked at a food expo type of thing where 40 or so vendors bring samples of their products and you go around and get tonnnns of samples. i came home with 2 grocery bags full of food! hooray for free things!

they also had a reeeeally good speaker talking about being thankful for all the little blessings we have and how important our attitudes towards the little things in our everyday lives are and how that rubs off onto others. he was awesome. he talked about a girl who was 17 and had just been adopted a year ago and had been in like 48 foster homes or something crazy like that. her dad had tried to kill her when she was 3 and her mom was in jail for murder. yet she wanted to forgive her dad and tell him she loved him. she gave her mom her email and has been waiting a year and a half to have comunication with her. the speaker talked about how she was always smiling and how great it was to be loved by her family now...how crazy is that?? i can't even imagine the type of selflessness you would need to be able to do that.

this weekend was the flying pig half marathon and it was perfect! the run was great, and i am super pumped to do my marathon in october now!! hooray! i got to see my best friends ever for a whole weekend too. it was perfect. i have the perfect friends. i wish everyone could have a group of friends like ours. i miss miami so much too!! and people watching to see the ridiculous miami girls that go there haha. im super pumped for the weekend to see my little sister in my old prom dress and for sam's wedding shower!!

bliss.

this weekend was pure bliss. i know a lot of people think they have the best friends ever, but im here to tell you all that i in fact, do have the best friends ever ever ever. so i was headed home after class friday (which we got out early from!) and was super excited to see my family and jordan! i got a pizza w/ my dad and got home...jordan was there outside with tina so i was excited he was there! we walk in the house and i turn the corner and there on my couch is colby and addy. i was SHOCKED. i was almost shaking, almost crying, almost falling to the ground because i have NO idea they were coming. everyone else did of course. :) they drove almost 13 hours-ish the weekend before their finals week to see me, just for my birthday! how perfect are they?! i felt pretty special. j and i camped out in my backyard sat night and that was a blast too :) OH and nick and beth got engaged this weekend...SO excited for them!!!!

same old thing this week at work...almost done with my final week of clinical three, which is nuts. onto school food service next week which will be a nice break from clinical for a while. im not so sure this is what i want to do for the rest of my life, nor what the Lord is going to have me do for the rest of my life. i struggle every day with feeling as if im doing anything productive, or if im having an impact on anybody, or if anybody at the hospital (doctors, nurses) takes dietitians seriously. er. its frustrating.

i had the best weekend ever and felt so loved and didn't want it to end. two weeks til we're all reunited again! can't wait! God is pretty cool.

la di da.

i hate snow. period. i am SO sick of it!!!! it snoooowed monday and tuesday, its freaking april! come on now. i am in my third and final clinical at harper hospital and its been going alright so far. im with an RD who is my age...shes super intelligent and almost done with her masters degree already, so she's been really helpful and easy to talk to since we're the same age. i've done a lot of tube feeding recommendations for patients and TPN (total parenteral nutrition, feeding someone through an IV) recs as well, which i am very interested in so thats been cool! i've seen some sad stuff too...the patients at this hospital which is downtown, are a lot sicker and usually not in the best economic situations.

and i have realized i am super super against gastric bypass surgery. there's 2 types, roux-en-y which involes making a tiny stomach pouch and bypassing the upper half or so of the small intestine and the lap band, which is reversible and isn't so invasive. for the REST of their ENTIRE lives...they cannot have white bread, rice, stuffing (all that expands too much in your stomach), carbonated drinks (too much air), sugary anything, big delicious meals of any kind. basically your eating habits consist of taking 2 or 3 bites of food for 6 TINY meals a day and constant sips of liquid the whole day. not to mention the mountain of malabsorption problems with a huge list of vitamins/minerals they have and the every single day multi-vitamins they must take. a loooot of people look for a quick fix and this is the way to go. little do they realize how drastically different their lives are afterwards. ugh. its hard stuff...i'll stop preaching now. sure it works for some, but too many complications come from it.

im headed to jordans for easter and im so so excited to spend the weekend with him :) and then the next week is MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! NINE DAYS!!!! and i'll get to see my family and relax at home and eat yummy meals made by tina. i love home. and less than a month til i get to go to oxford and be reunited with all my bffaeaeae's! life is good.

time flies.

i hate how weekends go by so fast. not because i don't want to go back to work, well some of me doesn't, but because i typically have to leave people i want to be around to go back or be by myself in stupid detroit. jordan was up here for the weekend for our two year anniversary, crazy its been two years! i am for sure blessed being with him. we had a great weekend just relaxing, got to hike a little and ate delicious sushi saturday night. i love sushi! but i HATE always having to say goodbye. im not complaining about the long distance thing because i know we are blessed since we're so close, but no matter the distance, the goodbye/only seeing each other on the weekend thing is getting old. fast. i hate having to say bye to my family and friends all the time too, im not good at it. im coming to realize more and more that even though i reeeeally would like to live somewhere cool and not boring (*cough, ohio*), that being surrounded by my family and friends is even more important. the cool places will always be there, i just might have to travel to see them :)

onto another week...same stuff, same hospital. i switch next week for my clinical III. i've been here almost 3 whole months, doesn't seem like i have! Only 33 more weeks left...woohoo! oh and 19 days til my bday!!!!

woohoo!

i love this rotation! and i love liz! i feel so much less apprehensive about talking to patients and i feel more comfortable with the fact that it's ok that i don't know everything yet. thats why the RD's are there, to help out when i don't know something. i was talking to liz and she was asking how i was feeling about everything and i said really good and that i was less anxious talking to people. she told me she thought i was doing a great job talking to people cause she had listened in on a couple patients i went to see. i was SO relieved. and i was SO glad i didn't know she was listening to me...i would have be so nervous if i knew! im learning a TON about diabetes which is good because i don't really know much about it. its something i never want to have to deal with though.

four days til friday, and im so excited :) we might be going rock climbing and i might learn how to belay! i can't wait!!!

saturday.

a few things... first, happy birthday to my very favorite twins! i wish i was with one or the other of them right now. second, its freakin the first day of spring and it snowed heavily here this morning. lame. and third, its my 12th anniversary of being seizure-free. crazy, huh? i can't believe its been that long. i feel so blessed to have outgrown them, as so many people i run into have not been that lucky. i have always felt a peace that i won't have to deal with them again, but that fear of them returning is always there. its what i fear the most.

i got to babysit finn and ollie today and they were SO much fun. i got there and finn looked at me and screamed "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" (i don't even know how he remembered me!). i just love babysitting boys, way more fun than girls usually! ollie warmed up to me finally after a hour or so and was running all the way across the length of the basement and jumping into my arms and giving me hugs. it was adorable. i wish i could have half the amount of excitment these kids have over the simplest of things. i think thats why i love kids so much, they get so much happiness from the smallest of things and usually think you are the greatest person in the whole wide world. they are so joyful. lori and i watched a movie called "blindness" tonight. do not, i repeat, DO NOT ever watch it. it was a waste of time and really disturbing actually.

please pray for my grandma if you wouldn't mind. shes in the hospital for problems with her heart until they figure out what they want to do. thanks.

blessings.

ugh. i had a terrible dream last night. i was dreaming that one of my sisters had cancer. it was awful. i woke up feeling like i hadn't slept at all and literally have not been able to get it off my mind since. it's all i've been able to think about. what would i do? how would i function? i think i would be more devastated if it was one of them, instead of me. its almost been debilitating in a way and its not even true! in a heartbeat i would move home to be there. i know this already, but it made me realize how precious the people in our worlds are. not the clothes or money or objects, but people. in a blink of an eye, things change, and i realize things like cancer can, and has struck those close to me. so we need to pray! pray for good health, for healing, for good memories and love to surround us with our short time here. i've trying to stop making my life into what i think it should be, or what is or sounds cool, and embrace everything, and everyone i've been given. im not perfect at it (my friends and fam know this!), but i try my hardest, especially lately. i am so blessed.

refreshing.

today was very refreshing! a lot of my time is spent looking up disease processes, lab values, nutrition therapy guidelines, etc, basically because i don't know anything. not that im not intelligent, but we didn't learn that in school. the more and more this goes on, the more i realize how pretty useless school actually is. sure we learned a lot...but its all sugar-coated and not really practical to the real world. anyways, i saw one patient with pancreatitis this morning (inflammation of the pancreas, usually due to alcoholism). they aren't able to metabolize fats properly and eating anything usually is really painful. then i saw a sweet lady this afternoon with stage 5 chronic renal failure about to go on dialysis soon. she had a whole list of serious other problems too. when her doctors told her about her renal diet, they just told her to watch her sodium and potassium intake, nothing else!! they didn't give her the resources to do this or why she should. she also had to watch her protein, phosphorus and vitamin K intake, none of which she was educated about! she started crying when we were talking to her about how overwhelmed and scared she was. i brought back some materials for her and went over them and she was really thankful. i actually felt like i HELPED someone today and did my job. i LOVE the RD im with now, she knows everything and is GREAT with helping us learn.

i start in the ICU and do tube feedings on monday so im excited to start that. i am really interested in becoming a certified nutrition support specialist that specializes in tube and IV feedings. i think it would be really interesting. im babysitting for finn and ollie on saturday and am really excited for that!

wonderful weekend.

yay for good weekends! i got to see my fam and some of my favorite people!! i carpooled with nick and beth to jordan's house. we went rock climbing on saturday which was a blast. annnd we locked the keys in the trunk on sunday so we couldn't leave until monday morning...oh darn :) it was so nice to be with my fam, jordan and nick and beth all weekend and to have monday off. i got to see my kids on monday too!! i miss them all so much.

i started a new rotation today at huron valley sinai hospital. its a good 45 min drive to the hospital which sucks, but its along the lake so its beautiful! i don't mind the driving with all the humongous houses i get to look at! this hospital is a lot smaller and i think i like that. the RD im with, liz, is great. shes so so smart and seems like shes going to be a really good teacher in helping me LEARN things and understand them, rather than just telling me what things are. theres a huge difference in populations though, this hospital is in the middle of suburbia compared to downtown. more updates when i see more patients!

so its been a long long time since i've updated this thing. mainly because i haven't done anything too exciting or new to update on. ugh. i had a headstart rotation this week, which is a preschool education system for low-income families. i've been in some pretty yucky parts of detroit and its reminded me that detroit isn't a very pretty place! the kids were super cute, but i didn't really do much. next week i start my clincial 2 rotation with a certified diabetes educator and she works in the ICU a lot...from what i've heard, the RD im with is very intense. but im SO ready for that...i've been babied in this whole internship so far and its sort of annoying. im paying a lot of money to get this experience and i don't feel like i've gotten a lot out of it yet. and its almost the middle of march. this whole thing is playing with my confidence that this is where i should be as well which i don't like.

im headed to ctown with nick and beth this week and im so excited to be with some of my favorite people!!! :)

hope.

today was the first day i felt really overwhelmed by all the sickness and sadness i've been seeing the past weekend and a half. the floors that i have been seeing patients are all fighting for their lives right now. and a lot of the cases i've read through are not very hopeful in the medical world. but some of these patients i've talked to, even if for five minutes, are happy. not all of them, but some. and i can't help but wonder that if that was me, i'm not so sure i would have that strength to be so happy. i think though, that some of them learn a new kind of hope. and thats what i'm learning too, but its hard. so much sickness and hurt happening to moms, dads, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers...to people that don't deserve it. good thing we have a Father watching over us, who won't ever leave, even when everything else seems to be falling down around us. be thankful for your health, we too often take it for granted. and don't forget to tell those around you that you love them :)

home.

today i went to toledo to find bridesmaid dresses with sam and amber. we were successful and found really pretty ones! then my mom bribed me to come home since toledo was so close since she already had dinner made and everything. i have had sort of a stressful weekend, so needless to say, i was easily convinced and went home just for a few hours. and it was juuuust what i needed. i have the best family everrr, just so you know. it was perfect.

blah.

blah on michigan weather...im supposed to be going to toledo to shop for bridesmaid dresses with sam and amber, but its supposed to start snowing really heavily when im supposed to go. ugh.

class was good yesterday. really interesting stuff in our renal lecture about dialysis and all that. holy cow, i didn't realize at all how involved dialysis really was. hemodialysis is the type that takes all your blood out, cleans it, and puts it back in you. with big big needles involved. and peritoneal dialysis is where you hook a bag of special fluid up to an opening in your abdomen and it drain into your peritoneum (a big membrane covering your abdominal organs) and it stays in there for a while, then they have drain all the fluid back into the bag thats still attatched to your stomach. then they have to start all over again for like 4-5 times a day. intense stuff. im glad i have functioning kidneys. we also learned about kids born with prune belly syndrome, where they are born with NO abdominal muscles!! how weird is that?? it causes big time kidney problems.

alright...i think im headed out to get stuff to make cookies or something before this stupid storm hits. im going home next weekend and i cant WAIT.

getting better.

today was better. still overwhelming, but getting better. i am getting better at going through the EMR system and finding the information i need. i had to track down three patient charts on the floor and was successful too! thats a big deal really on a floor where charts are near impossible to track down! there are so many kinds of leukemia, cancer, etc. and its crazy to me. its like every patient has a different kind with a different complicated name. i think its scary to me to be talking to patients who are so incredibly sick. one patient was getting a bone marrow transplant because their original chemo used to get rid of their first cancer ended up causing leukemia. they don't use it anymore obviously. but how terrible is that?? puts things into perspective and i have so much to be thankful for.

i did talk to my first patient today and it went really well. didn't really say much, but they were really friendly and pleasant to talk to. my preceptor was GREAT about it too, she was super good about reminding me that she wasn't going to just leave me and would be there if i needed help. and when i left today she said i did a wonnnderful job for my first time. made me feel MUCH better, even though i don't think i was that wonderful! lol. tomorrow i have to give two presentations on label reading, BLAH. but its almost friday, which is a very good thing :)

day one for real.

today was my first real clinical day at the karmanos institute for cancer and it was of course, overwhelming. no other words really to describe it. my preceptor has been an oncology RD for 35 years which is a little intimidating, but she was great and very patient with me today. i was almost in tears this afternoon because i felt really stupid and that like i knew nothing of what i needed to know. im suuuuper scared to talk to patients too. these floors are definatley have a different air to them. these patients are super super sick and bascially need to be pumped full of whatever food they can tolerate. a lot of the patients we saw today had very advanced cancer or stem cell transplants. i didn't talk to any patients today, but i did write a progress note for a very sick patient with advanced cancer. my preceptor, Ladonna, taught me how to enter them into the EMR and how to put in diet orders and all that. super confusing, but im learning a lot.

weird fact of the day that i learned...there are 2 types of stem cell transplants, one where your original stem cells are frozen and given back to a patient after high doses of chemo (autologous), and one where a patient recieves stem cells from another individual (allogenic). well, if you have an allogenic transplant, you have TWO types of DNA in your body! your own in your blood, and the donor's DNA in your bone marrow!! weird huh?

so anyways, thats what i did today. nothing too exciting, just a lot of information being shoved into my brain. day two update tomorrow...say a prayer for me!!

finally!

i feel like my internship has finally started today. i had my first clinical rotation at harper hospital and it was very overwhelming. i worked with nancy, the director of the internship for the whole day. she took me around the floors and showed me where to find charts, and she also showed me how to access the emr's (electronic medical records) which are SO confusing. Progress notes in medical charts are being changed with how dietitian's write them, like completley changed. so its a huge transition time not only for us interns, learning, but the other dietitians learning how to use the new system. we had a couple of consults to do on patients so nancy gave me two and told me to go find out about them on the their emr and report back to her...eek. i gathered lots of information, a lot of it was hard to work through because i don't know most of the medical jargon yet.

nancy looked over it and looked at me and said, "well, what are you going to do for this patient?" ah! i hadn't the foggiest! she was patient with me though and helped me work through it and had me do a mock assessment with her. i could definetley see how school conditioned me to talk in a certain way, and thats NOT how you talk to real life people. so it was great she went through that with me. tomorrow i am with a dietitian that works on the oncology floor and i should be talking to patients by thursday...ahhh. but its good, i feel like im FINALLY starting. and i was SO excited to be on the floors and diving into all things medical! exciting stuff! now off to ichat with my roomies and work on some medication lists...

clincials tomorrow!

i start my clinical rotations tomorrow at harper hospital! eek!! i havent updated in a while because there's been nothing interesting to update on. i finished up my foodservice rotation friday, thank goodness!! i start actually seeing patients tomorrow...so it will be really weird/scary/exciting! i dont feel old enough to be doing this stuff yet. where did the past like 5 years go?

i went to ctown last weekend and jordan was here this weekend, so im grateful i've gotten to see him the past 2 weeks. we went to bahama breeze for vday! not ON vday cause the wait was 2 hours, but for lunch today haha. we're so romantic really...we didn't even have presents ready for each other haha. im just thankful we're only 4 hours aways from each other, not a plane ride. stupid long distance. went to the red wings game thursday w/ dave and tina and that was a blast! ok...i'll update more tomorrow after my first clinical day!!

excited!

i met a family tonight that i found on sitter city and they were great! they have two adorable kids, ethan whos 19 months and has a head FULL of brown curly hair and josie who is only two months old. both mom and dad are great and SO nice! im so excited! they seem like such great parents and were so cute together. im going over tomorrow to hang out with little ethan, who gave me a hug the second i walked in the door and julie, the mom for a while. yay!!

work today was fine...nothing new or exciting. i cant wait for tomorrow!

peace.

good weekend! lori and i went to dinner friday night and played wii the rest of the evening. she has the price is right wii game!! its awesome!! i would highly recommend it :) then saturday we went to ikea because she has never been and that was fun. ikea is always a fun time. i can't wait to have my own house/apartment/whatever so i can decorate it! well and money too...i guess decorating and money kind of go hand in hand unfortunely. i got to ichat with jordan for a while and did some homework and finished twlight book one again all on saturday night haha.

im still trying to be patient and not get to anxious about this stupid rotation to be over, but its hard. im ready to get into clinicals and LEARN how to be a dietitian. because im not so far, and i've been here a month (craziness!). i do like going up on the floors and getting to see kids though. i feel better when i can do that and i can pray for those little ones. i may not know anything but their situation, but i feel good when i can do that for them. pray for healing, strength, whatever i get the feeling to pray for. its fun and makes me feel more peaceful about being in this rotation.

love must be sincere. hate what is evil, cling to what is good. romans 12:9

lets go wings :)

i'm going to a wings game and i couldn't be more excited!! thats the one upside to living in detriot, the wings are right here!! dave and tina are coming up two weeks from today for the game too. yay!! and it's still snowing outside...i'm getting a little tinsy bit ansy for spring time to be here. for things to be alive and pretty again. i rented this movie called young at heart from netflix and its a documentary about a show choir all made up of old people, the average age is 80!!! i highly recommend it, it's hilarious even if you may think it sounds lame. its not, i promise! it is sad though, i teared up a few times (shocking, i know).

i worked in the dish room today, bleck. it made me thankful i won't have to work in a job like that. but also made me realize how important their job is too. i did make some rounds picking up trays and such and saw the cutest little girl walking around with her mom. she had little peach fuzzies growing back on her head and a huge smile on her face. i said hi to her and she gave me a big HI back! so cute. makes me excited to get working with people, kids in particular.

God's been trying to remind me latley despite my doubts, He still knows what He's doing...like if i hadn't been placed at children's for this rotation, i may not have met up with the keto dietitian, among other things. patience patience patience is the still the key.

let it snow.

let it snow snow snow...it took me an HOUR and a half to get to work this morning. its only supposed to take 20 min!! ahh. it was SO frustrating and the roads were absolutely terrible. i spent most of my day in the formula room, mixing special formulas for babies in the NICU and such. but the good thing about today was that i got to introduce myself to the dietitian that does all the ketogenic kids! i told her i was really interested in spending some time with her and that i had been on the diet for a little bit when i was a kid. she was like "oh! i told the directors i wanted to nag you when you got here, but i forgot your name!" so that was great! im hopefully going to be spending a week of my peds rotation in july with her so i am SO excited!!

and im meeting a family to nanny for with a two month and a ninteen month old. im pretty excited :) i've put all my assignments off for a while now cause i keep thinking i don't have that much to do...but now i do before friday, whoops! im glad its hump day...im looking forward to sleeping in this weekend!

refreshing.

this weekend was very refreshing! i got to leave early on friday (which was the same old song and dance) and made it home by 4:30 to go to the daycare and see my kids. when i got there hanna saw me and goes "mae mae!!" and got all excited, ran and jumped on my. talk about melting my heart!!! i about had tears in my eyes. i got to see about half of my class which was sooo wonderful. i miss them so much, like i don't mention that enough. i stayed there an hour and went home. jordan got there later, we ate dinner and watched the x games and chilled. same thing for the rest of the weekend too, family came over sat night to celebrate birthdays so that was nice. except charlie decided to eat the head of my razor blade saturday night so i was pretty upset b/c it was my fault. i thought for sure he would have to have emergency surgery and my parents would kick me outta the house and shun me from the family. luckily none of those things happened and he has passed the blades...gross, but good.

it was so great to be surrounded by the familiar for a weekend. it gets lonely here in michigan sometimes. we had new employee orientation today for the DMC (detroit medical center) and that was boring. i've been being reminded constantly the past couple of weeks to pray pray pray. pray for yourself and growing closer to Him, pray for others whether you know their situation or not, pray for the country and the world. everyone is facing their own personal battles and prayer is so imporant and powerful! so do it...all the time, no matter what because He always is listening, always answering, whether you can see it or not.

ok thats it! onto my last week in foodservice...yipee skipee!

blah.

today was very blah and i think its going to be that way until i get outta this rotation. worked on the tray line and in the diet office where patients call in orders. i am slowly learning about the hospital politics between everyone that works there. like what the diet aids think of doctors or nurses and a couple cracks were even made at the dietitians today too haha. sort of annoying, but i suppose you get that anywhere you work. we had an incidence yesterday where a guy who works in the dish room threw away silverware simply because he didn't want to take the time to seperate it from the trash on the trays!! he threw away like 30-40 pieces of silverware! i couldn't believe it when my supervisor told me! totally ridiculous...

im hopefully meeting a family in the next week or so to possibly overnight sit for them. unfortunetly its not for babies and the kids are much older...but it seems like it would be an easy job and a good opportunity to make a little money, since i have no income right now! i really hope i can find a job with a baby, that would make me really happy.

i've been noticing that all i've been doing is looking forward to weekends and wanting the weeks to fly on by. i think partially this is because i don't like the rotation i'm in now, but also because i get to see my family, friends or jordan on the weekends. i want to be able to enjoy this time and focus on learning what i need to to be able to be an RD after i graduate. plus i don't want to keep wishing away weeks during this next week. God kindly reminded me today with my little calender quote to wait for Him. (wait for the Lord psalm 27:14) patience, patience patience, is what it said. so thats what i'm aiming for patience and for the ability to enjoy where i'm at, because eventually i'm going to look back and wish it hadn't passed by so quickly.

alright, enough of my enlightening thoughts...back to watching the office or something non-productive as usual. :)

update!

whoops...haven't posted in a couple days. i had a GREAT weekend with the slater fam and got to meet sweet, beautiful adeline joy. i just LOVE babies (in case you didn't already know that about me). She was just so adorable, she smelled so good and i loved just holding her. hopefully i get to see my kids this friday, i get SO excited just thinking about it. i miss them so so much. it was nice to be with family too, and be surrounded by dogs! i miss my puppies.

today we had a lecture by a speech pathologist that focused mainly on dysphagia (difficulty swallowing) and saw x-rays showing modified barium swallows and things like that. it was so cool to see what all happens when you swallow something, its all so complex! then we drove over to a hospital about 45 min away, sort of north of troy, for a diabetes lecture. i am really excited to do my clincial 2 rotations over there, the dietitians were all excited for us to be there! this was probably the best lecture we've had yet, so that was good. i had minor flashbacks to my class in school where i had to test my own blood sugar (where i almost passed out) because the RD had brought supplies to test our blood sugar or practice giving ourselves a shot if we wanted. needless to say, i politely declined!

rotations start back up tomorrow...bleck. hopefully better than last week though. can't wait for the weekend, jordan is coming to findlay and ill get to see my fam!!!

another frustrating day!

same old thing today...i didn't really do much. i worked on a one-day menu plan with 5 different dietary modifications for the menu for the entire morning til lunch. it probably shouldn't have taken that long, but i stretched it out because i didn't just want to sit there. i keep asking questions and pointing out different things i need to observe and keep getting answers like "oh yeah, well do that eventually" or "that will be really easy to do sometime". and i have heard more about this woman's ex husband and current boyfriend than i really care to hear about. dont get me wrong, this lady is wonderfully nice and very hospitable, but not very professional! we did get to do rounds on the floor and talk to some kids about their meals and if they liked the food or not. so that was cool. i saw a little girl having a video EEG done too so kind of brought back some memories there...

i have to be in at six tomorrow so i am reeeally not looking forward to that. i know my reasons for not continuing on with pre-med in undergrad and why i didnt really want to do the whole med school route, but being around everyone at the hospital and hearing about all the specialties here has been bringing on tiny regret pains. i forgot how much i LOVE this field and helping people and everything. its so incredibly fascinating to me, medicine that it. its amazing, our bodies are amazing. (i know i sound corny) but it seriously does amaze me. i love learning about it. so im hoping that once i get immersed in clinical work, it will have the right amount of all that in it to satisfy that tiny bit of regret i may have for not pursuing med school.

i want some peace about this rotation because i don't want to wish all the time i have in it away, but i can't wait to be done with it. so pray for peace if you think about it :) i burnt my finger really badly on a non-microwavable plate that cracked tonight, so im going to go ice it. it feels like its on fire. ouch.

relief/frustration.

today was my first day in my food service rotations at children's hospital and it was a very boring day. my preceptor was late so i stood and watched the tray line for over an hour and i could have fallen asleep standing on my feet. i don't care if they wanted me observing, but at least gimme something to do! it was SO boring. then my preceptor lady got there and was very disorganized, didn't know what i was supposed to really do, didn't know about my projects, and so on and so forth. it was a little frustrating to be in this program and get into a rotation that starts out like that. not cool. she kept asking me what i was expected to do and how the heck should i know?! they are the ones who organize the program and put us in these rotations...errr. but i was a little relieved because these foodservice rotations are going to be a breeze, just very boring. i was once again reminded why i do NOT want to be stuck in foodservice. not that it's not important, because it very much is, but it's not where i want to be once i get through all this schooling.

i spoke to my supervisor a little about the ketogenic diet which they have an RD that deals specifically with those kids, so that was cool because i told her i would have a big interest in that area. so hopefully i get to work with that. i got to hear a lot about personal drama from the people that work there and i wasn't so excited about that. it was unecessary and i don't care at all! haha i keep seeing all these RN's on the floors in scrubs and i keep asking myself why again i didn't go into nursing...i love scrubs.

i miss my kids so so much. i keep thinking about what they're doing at certain times of the day and how much i wish i was with them. i don't want them to forget me, and i know it's going to happen. it will make me so sad when i do get to visit and they have no idea who i am. sigh.

reality.

i think as the start of my rotations draw nearer and nearer, the reality of real life is setting in for me. we have been doing interviewing exercises with my supervisor, nancy, on how to interview adult and pediatric patients. its so very clear that all of us have two problems. (1) we are all fresh out of undergrad and have been conditioned to interview/respond in a systematic way that is NOT how you talk to real life patients and (2) we are all so very naive. Nancy very kindly pointed out that the majority of our patient population we will encounter have not grown up the way we have, therefore have a very different mindset. When someone asks us "how much physical activity do you get in a day?", we understand. however, a large part of the population wouldn't know how to respond to that. so instead we ask "what do you do in a typical day?". a much more conducive question to coax more information out a patient.

as far as the naive-ness of us all...i don't think im quite prepared for the types of people and situations i will be seeing. we had WIC (a program helping women, infant and children) training today and i think that made me realize even more, we will be seeing some pretty difficult stuff. there will only be so much we can do for certain patients. some will be homeless, some moms wont feed their babies the correct amount of formula to stretch out what they have because they can't afford any more, and some patients who need ongoing care, won't be able to get it. im going to really have to focus on not letting my emotions and feelings get the better of me, as they so often do. because the thought of not being able to provide all the care a patient may need to get them better, probably will be difficult for me in the beginning. im in this field to be around people and to help make a difference in their life. it will be hard when i might not be able to do this to the fullest of my ability because of financial constraints or a patient's unwillingness. obviously i have a lot to learn and a long way to go, because im sure i'll hit those road blocks a lot in the next ten months.

lori, my roommate, said her boyfriend (who just did his dietetic internship) got to step in on an open heart surgery!!! how awesome is that?! i would be elated if i got that opportunity! even though im not going to be a surgeon or doctor, a chance to see that, or any surgery would be incredible. im meeting my aunt sue and corey to shop tomorrow, i can't wait! off to read a little more about edward now... :)

boring day.

today was a relatively boring day. we didn't have to be in class til 9, so that meant sleeping in til 7! yay! but to start the day off right, i couldn't find my swipe badge right when we needed to leave (go figure, me lose a swipe card?! never.) so we were like 10 min late. good thing our supervisor is good about us being late haha we basically we over how to do calorie counts for a three day diet and thats it. what took us over an hour should take 15 min. takes a while to get use to guesstimating and not being anal about being so precise in counting calories and protein and things like those. we went over how to chart all those things in patient charts, how to access medical records online, blah blah blah...monotonous stuff really. tomorrow we're going over how to interview peds patients so that will be a little more interesting.

we're getting cable and internet finally set up today and finger's crossed, we'll be able to watch the office tonight!! :) tomorrow is FINALLY friday and this week feels like its been the longest week of my life...i can't WAIT to sleep in on saturday and hopefully go shopping saturday with sue and corey, unless baby addy wants visitors then!!

day two.

i survived day two. barely. talk about one of the most overwhelming days EVER! i knew this would be an intense program, but in no way shape or form was i prepared for this. to start the day off right, lori and i got off on the wrong exit and ended up on 696 instead of at the hospital. then holly (my gps system) was telling us to get over 4 lanes of traffic within in a 100 yds during rush hour, um, that did not happen. thankfully, we found our way to the parking garage and being as excersise concience as we are, decided to walk alllll the way around the medical compound (about 15 min to get down 2 streets) to finally get to the wrong hospital, ended up on the wrong floor. finally we got a hold of our surpervisor and we rolled into our classroom, 20 min late. go us! haha

it is absurd the amount of work and projects and travelling we will be doing in the next 11 months. seriously insane. we have to prepare a case study on a patient we choose within our clinicals, write a very lengthy paper and present it to 15 or so RD's from like 5 different hospitals in an auditorium!! AHH!! i about passed out when i heard that. my supervisor, nancy, seems super nice though and very encouraging. it seems like she really wants us to LEARN and is not focused heavily on giving out a grade or making us pass tests, and i like that. i get my foodservice rotations out of the way in the beginning; they start monday. we do get to work at a diabetes camp for a week with kids helping them carb count and stuff so im supppper excited for that! i miss being with my kids SO much...and just kids in general!

oh...funny side note that my roommates will appreciate! so we had a women come in today and lecture on school foodservice (very dry and boring things) and i may have been drifting off a little and my roommate lori caught me dozing...haha whoops :) old habits die hard i suppose!

first day.

so i am not a huge fan of these blog things where everyone spills their deepest most inner secrets and feelings online for the whole wide world to read about, but i figured i would give this a try since i'm doing something new and i have a bunch of people i want to tell about it! and i don't really care if you read it or not, i'll just put what i've been doing with my rotations and such. hopefully it will be somewhat interesting... :)


today was my first day at harper for my internship and i was slightly terrified and didn't now what to expect, but i was pleasantly surprised. first of all the dmc (detroit medical center) is GINORMOUS. very overwhelming. i think its comprised of 5 or 6 HUGE hospitals or something absurd like that. everyone we ran into was super uber friendly though, way more than i thought they would be, so that was comforting. but we all were introduced to the other interns and everyone seems really nice. two of the interns are a little older and have kids, so it will be a nice mix of people. we bascially had physicals, bloodwork, TB and drug tests ( i hope i pass!) and stuuuupid paperwork with taxes and all that crap. it was a VERY long day. my roommate lori and i got back around 2:30ish so it was nice to get out early. we have orientation and assignments the rest of the week...yayy homework!

i like my apartment and am really glad im living with lori. troy is a great area so far. i keep realizing how much i take for granted living at home...for convience and comfort reasons alike. i miss home already, i miss my friends. but i feel really good about this and am very hopeful that this is going to be a great learning experience. i feel peaceful that this is where im supposed to be, even if its not the first place i'd pick to be at right now...

be wise. psalm 2:10 (this weekend i'll ponder all things wonderful)
that little quote was on a calender i had and was very true for what i did this past weekend. i am very blessed and have some very wonderful things in my life.