confused.

today was a stressful day at the WIC clinic. we saw a girl, a kid really, who had just turned 15. she also had a one month old baby. which means she was pregnant when she was 14. it was so weird to watch the interaction between this girl, her grandmother and her baby. it was very mixed up. the girl didn't necessarily neglect the baby when she held it, but it was as if the baby was more of an accessory rather than a human being, she was on her cell more than making eye contact with her child. when the grandmother asked if she fed the baby this afternoon, she got a guilty smile on her face and replied "no, i forgot again". forgot? you forget to feed a newborn? i kept thinking, shes just a kid! shes a child herself, why does she have a child? im 23 and don't feel prepared to have a child or like i am ready to raise a child, so how is a 15 year old supposed to? they're still completley focused on me me me.

then we saw a baby who was a foster child living with his aunt. when they got the baby, he had 8 cracked ribs, two brain bleeds. he was born at 8 pounds and was only nine pounds at two months, i.e. he had not been fed enough at all. i had a headache after today after seeing these two kids. how do you crack a baby's ribs? how do you forget to feed them? it just broke my heart to see these situations, and it's even worse because this is the norm for this area.

i have liked working in WIC these past 2 weeks, its just hard to see the really rough situations like those. luckily the baby who was abused was with a great foster family and it 100% ok now. makes me all the more thankful for the family i have and parents that have given me so much. i can't wait for the weekend!

great weekend!

the weekend was wonderful, too fast of course! friday i ran a ten miler which was perfect actually, cloudy skies, rain the last three miles, very good! then slept for 12 hours friday night, i sooo needed it. how do people with kids do it?! i need my sleep! haha saturday was spent seriously cleaning (and i mean serious cleaning) my apartment because it needed it sooo badly. so that wasn't THAT fun, but i felt like i accomplished a lot afterwards which is always a nice feeling. lori and i went out to dinner and then waited my my family to get here!!! we got coldstone in birmingham and went to the zoo today...it was so fun! i love having them here! and i love my family, im so glad/blessed i have them (flaws and all haha)!!

another week at WIC...should be alright, just slightly boring. i start high risk pregnancy next week which should be good. the weeks are winding down, 17 to go!!! how nuts is that?? our paper chain is dwindling down which is something i love to see :) im just hoping a little clarification/intercession on God's behalf kicks in sooner rather than later so i don't stress too much about my life after november 13th...i know it'll work out. this "in between" floating around stage in life just is getting a little old. trying to enjoy it though because im sure 10 years from now when im settled down with kids, a husband, etc etc i will miss this part in my life. maybe? maybe not? i dont know. im just trying to wish i was at some other point than where i am now, trying very hard! im headed to ctown next weekend to see the lewis family and aunt sheila and uncle ken too from arizona! oh and everett too! should be a good time, can't wait....i love spending time with great families :) off to write some cards now...

harry tonight!

harrrry potter comes out tonight!!!!!! unfortunately i am NOT going to be seeing the midnight viewing...but hopefully seeing it thursday night with sue and jim, but we'll see! started at a WIC (women, infants & children) clinic this week which has been interesting. i like it a lot and could see myself doing it. i just love seeing cute babies/kids and teeny tiny babies!!! got a good dose of birth control today though...twin two year olds and a three year old sccccreaming bloody murder because they didnt want to be weighed on a scale or have their height measured. i could NOT deal with that right now, nor do i want to for a little while. i love playing with cute kids and handing them back to mom and dad- its way more fun :)

tina dave and tay (maybe riy?) are coming to go to the detroit zoo this weekend, im pretty pumped!! welp...thats all i really have for right now. i getta sleep in til 9:30 tomorrow!! im excited!

july?!

its july already?! crazy. summer flies by even when you are a grown up and have a stinkin grown up job. yuck. vacation was amazzzing. jordan and i were on the beach every day/night and it was perfect. the weather was unusually hot...like so hot even at night you were completley covered in sweat. sick. but we had a couple really nice days, one great night at salty dog! i love hilton head! (i think j heard me say that about a million times all week). we got to spend 3 days in carrollton which was nice too, i love being there and being able to go to church! we spent the 4th with some families from church and i got to hold the cutest (and fatest) 5 month old for a long while :) i was in heaven. we watched pretty sweet fireworks up on a hill (like nothing you've seen in findlay) and could see like 8-10 little towns fireworks in the distance!

and now, its back to reality...had my last week of peds this week :( but its been good, busy, but good. i was on a renal floor all week, but got to see some diabetes clinics, cystic fibrosis and some others...so i've seen a bunch. saw a pretty complicated little kid with end stage renal disease today and my brain is tired from having to think and plan what to do for this kid. he was dealing with crazzzy high blood pressure since his kidneys aren't functioning so we had to watch the amount of fluid he was getting. the dietitian i was with was great at making me really think and explain what I thought of the situation, instead of just telling me...which is great, just mentally draining. renal is a hard specialty to nail down! i start at a public health WIC clinic next week which should be interesting. i wish i was one of those people who didn't stress out and just let most things be. unfortunatley, thats not me...and i've been stressing majorally for whats to come after november and praying that i find peace about not knowing quite yet. its for sure a challenge.

harry comes out wednesday!!! ahhh!!! so excited :) headed home this weekend to see the fam...havent been home in a while, so it should be good! minus the 11 miles i must run saturday morning. sick. at least i can lay on the couch at home when i'm done thought, right?! :)

camp!

ok so i fail at trying to keep this updated...but i have done better this month. im at diabetes camp for kids about 7-16. its been alright so far...VERY hot!!! like in the 90's. hilton head is going to kick my butt next week. but i'll be on a beach so i suppose its ok :) we've been responsible for preparing the celiac kid's meals since they can't be in any contact with any gluten-containing food. also we count the kids carbs once the get to the end of the buffet line so they can have their insulin dosed by the med staff after they eat. a lot of the guys try to get awaya with sneaking food, which can be bad if they don't get enough insulin with it!! its definiately a lot to deal with if you are a kid...but they know a LOT about whats going on with them...whether they have high blood sugar, low, what can happen if it gets too high and stays there. but i guess if you are living every day with it, you would know it inside and out. i give them a lot of credit, i would have a hard time adjusting to all those needle pokes.

four of us interns got to play on the water trampoline and slide last night and it was way cool! except i had to wear a stinking life jacket. really?! couldn't i just tell them i've been a lifeguard for 5+ years and have been able to swim since i could walk?! gotta love lake water though. camp has made me remember camp michindoh a lot...and how great it was!! i miss home!! i wanted to be home sunday to cookout and go to the pool with my family for father's day. i hate missing out on stuff like that...i think im reminded daily (especially right now) how thankful i am that i do miss them and having that to look forward to going home to. its great :) two days til hilton head and jordan!!!!!! i am SO pumped!!!!

yessss.

so i found my job. well, not really because someone already has it...but i LOVE working in pediatric neurology with the keto diet. its awwwesome. i helped advance a little 1 yr old's diet from a 2:1 to a 3:1 ratio today and talked to the dad about it (by myself!) and am doing the education tomorrow for it. and i wasn't nervous! it feels nice knowing what im talking about to some extent. i might even get to DO a tube feeding tomorrow when we show the dad how to prepare the formula, so cool! i got to update about 15 recipes for a kid whos ratio was being increased because his seizures were increasing, so that was cool too. unfortunetly, this is such a specific field, it might be hard to find a job in this area...but im keeping my fingers crossed and saying a little prayer because i would seriously LOVE to work in this field, the brain is so amazing. its so interesting, sad, but very interesting. its not sad though when you initiate a diet for a child who has no other options and get to see their seizure frequency decrease-or cease altogether, what's cooler than helping a family do that?! perhaps its so cool to me since i've been there...maybe not as severe as these little ones, but i know the frustrations.

it feels so good to finally find something i truly enjoy. not just kind of enjoy, but something i really like. i talked to the rd im with about the pediatric fellowship they offer at children's, which i feel like im way more interested in now. i feel like this (peds) is where im supposed to be! yay! im ticked off that our stupid RD exam review is Thurs-Sat and cuts this rotation short by 1 1/2 days, lammme. welp, that was my day, it was excellent!!! off to pack some-ten days left til vacatttion!!!!! :)

yay!

hooray! today was really good! i had my first day of my peds rotation with the ketogenic rd...and it was great. we started a little one year old with infantile spasms (an epilepsy syndrome where babies can have up to hundreds of spasms a day) on the diet today. i also got to work in a computer system that allows the RD to come up with specific recipes the keto kids can eat. everything has to be measured out in grams and typically consists of 90% fat, 7% protein and 3% carbohydrate. so its a lot of fat (butter, cream, sour cream) and very little carb (no sugar really). Most kids are on a 3:1 ratio (3 parts fat to 1 part protein/carb) so the computer system lets you adjust food portions to meet calories & come up with the right ratio. its neat. i really liked working with kids since nutrition is so important to their development. i felt like what i was doing actually mattered.

i wish i didnt worry about money so much. i hate worrying about it. i feel like i am smart with what i spend it on, but i really can't stand just spending what i take out in loans since i can't work right now. i hate that i can't have a job and i feel like i can't provide for myself right now. i know what im doing now is helping me be able to provide for myself & my family later on, its just hard now. i know im in pretty good shape compared to the large majority of americans and am blessed with what i've been given thus far, but it's still a stressor and i'm praying i find peace about it all. i don't know how people let themselves get into mountains of debt, i can't imagine how suffocating that must feel. i couldn't deal with that.

eleven days til hilton head and jbl for a week :) :)