saturday.

a few things... first, happy birthday to my very favorite twins! i wish i was with one or the other of them right now. second, its freakin the first day of spring and it snowed heavily here this morning. lame. and third, its my 12th anniversary of being seizure-free. crazy, huh? i can't believe its been that long. i feel so blessed to have outgrown them, as so many people i run into have not been that lucky. i have always felt a peace that i won't have to deal with them again, but that fear of them returning is always there. its what i fear the most.

i got to babysit finn and ollie today and they were SO much fun. i got there and finn looked at me and screamed "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" (i don't even know how he remembered me!). i just love babysitting boys, way more fun than girls usually! ollie warmed up to me finally after a hour or so and was running all the way across the length of the basement and jumping into my arms and giving me hugs. it was adorable. i wish i could have half the amount of excitment these kids have over the simplest of things. i think thats why i love kids so much, they get so much happiness from the smallest of things and usually think you are the greatest person in the whole wide world. they are so joyful. lori and i watched a movie called "blindness" tonight. do not, i repeat, DO NOT ever watch it. it was a waste of time and really disturbing actually.

please pray for my grandma if you wouldn't mind. shes in the hospital for problems with her heart until they figure out what they want to do. thanks.

blessings.

ugh. i had a terrible dream last night. i was dreaming that one of my sisters had cancer. it was awful. i woke up feeling like i hadn't slept at all and literally have not been able to get it off my mind since. it's all i've been able to think about. what would i do? how would i function? i think i would be more devastated if it was one of them, instead of me. its almost been debilitating in a way and its not even true! in a heartbeat i would move home to be there. i know this already, but it made me realize how precious the people in our worlds are. not the clothes or money or objects, but people. in a blink of an eye, things change, and i realize things like cancer can, and has struck those close to me. so we need to pray! pray for good health, for healing, for good memories and love to surround us with our short time here. i've trying to stop making my life into what i think it should be, or what is or sounds cool, and embrace everything, and everyone i've been given. im not perfect at it (my friends and fam know this!), but i try my hardest, especially lately. i am so blessed.

refreshing.

today was very refreshing! a lot of my time is spent looking up disease processes, lab values, nutrition therapy guidelines, etc, basically because i don't know anything. not that im not intelligent, but we didn't learn that in school. the more and more this goes on, the more i realize how pretty useless school actually is. sure we learned a lot...but its all sugar-coated and not really practical to the real world. anyways, i saw one patient with pancreatitis this morning (inflammation of the pancreas, usually due to alcoholism). they aren't able to metabolize fats properly and eating anything usually is really painful. then i saw a sweet lady this afternoon with stage 5 chronic renal failure about to go on dialysis soon. she had a whole list of serious other problems too. when her doctors told her about her renal diet, they just told her to watch her sodium and potassium intake, nothing else!! they didn't give her the resources to do this or why she should. she also had to watch her protein, phosphorus and vitamin K intake, none of which she was educated about! she started crying when we were talking to her about how overwhelmed and scared she was. i brought back some materials for her and went over them and she was really thankful. i actually felt like i HELPED someone today and did my job. i LOVE the RD im with now, she knows everything and is GREAT with helping us learn.

i start in the ICU and do tube feedings on monday so im excited to start that. i am really interested in becoming a certified nutrition support specialist that specializes in tube and IV feedings. i think it would be really interesting. im babysitting for finn and ollie on saturday and am really excited for that!

wonderful weekend.

yay for good weekends! i got to see my fam and some of my favorite people!! i carpooled with nick and beth to jordan's house. we went rock climbing on saturday which was a blast. annnd we locked the keys in the trunk on sunday so we couldn't leave until monday morning...oh darn :) it was so nice to be with my fam, jordan and nick and beth all weekend and to have monday off. i got to see my kids on monday too!! i miss them all so much.

i started a new rotation today at huron valley sinai hospital. its a good 45 min drive to the hospital which sucks, but its along the lake so its beautiful! i don't mind the driving with all the humongous houses i get to look at! this hospital is a lot smaller and i think i like that. the RD im with, liz, is great. shes so so smart and seems like shes going to be a really good teacher in helping me LEARN things and understand them, rather than just telling me what things are. theres a huge difference in populations though, this hospital is in the middle of suburbia compared to downtown. more updates when i see more patients!

so its been a long long time since i've updated this thing. mainly because i haven't done anything too exciting or new to update on. ugh. i had a headstart rotation this week, which is a preschool education system for low-income families. i've been in some pretty yucky parts of detroit and its reminded me that detroit isn't a very pretty place! the kids were super cute, but i didn't really do much. next week i start my clincial 2 rotation with a certified diabetes educator and she works in the ICU a lot...from what i've heard, the RD im with is very intense. but im SO ready for that...i've been babied in this whole internship so far and its sort of annoying. im paying a lot of money to get this experience and i don't feel like i've gotten a lot out of it yet. and its almost the middle of march. this whole thing is playing with my confidence that this is where i should be as well which i don't like.

im headed to ctown with nick and beth this week and im so excited to be with some of my favorite people!!! :)

hope.

today was the first day i felt really overwhelmed by all the sickness and sadness i've been seeing the past weekend and a half. the floors that i have been seeing patients are all fighting for their lives right now. and a lot of the cases i've read through are not very hopeful in the medical world. but some of these patients i've talked to, even if for five minutes, are happy. not all of them, but some. and i can't help but wonder that if that was me, i'm not so sure i would have that strength to be so happy. i think though, that some of them learn a new kind of hope. and thats what i'm learning too, but its hard. so much sickness and hurt happening to moms, dads, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers...to people that don't deserve it. good thing we have a Father watching over us, who won't ever leave, even when everything else seems to be falling down around us. be thankful for your health, we too often take it for granted. and don't forget to tell those around you that you love them :)

home.

today i went to toledo to find bridesmaid dresses with sam and amber. we were successful and found really pretty ones! then my mom bribed me to come home since toledo was so close since she already had dinner made and everything. i have had sort of a stressful weekend, so needless to say, i was easily convinced and went home just for a few hours. and it was juuuust what i needed. i have the best family everrr, just so you know. it was perfect.